Question: I am a single woman, and I am frustrated because the guys I have met are very good-looking but all they want is sex. I am frustrated because I hope and wish to find someone who likes me for who I am. All the guys from 25 to 35 just want one thing, and if you don't give them what they want, they never call you again. What should I do? Please help because I know that I am not the only female who feels like this.
Danny: So you keep meeting the same type of guy over and over again? It sounds as if you might be a victim of habit. Who you are will partially answer your own question, but you must also consider where and why you keep meeting the sex-crazed clones.
It's important to have confidence and strong self-esteem. Only then will you see that those men who want one thing are not right for you. Besides, you should never try to force anyone to like you for who you are; it must happen naturally.
It is time to start making some changes, both personal and social, to avoid Einstein's definition of insanity: repeating the same actions while expecting different results. As for the sex-crazed hunks who seem to find you all the time, count your blessings that they make their intentions known up front. You can choose to walk away with your dignity and self-respect intact. Oh, and one more thing: Ever thought about trying to meet a nice, less- great-looking guy? We're as sweet as pie.
Catherine: I want to echo Danny's advice: Examine your role in creating and, possibly, sustaining this problem. I have always heard, "If you don't like the type of guys you are attracting, look at what you are doing to attract them." Are you showing up at shady clubs, wearing barely any clothes? Ask yourself whether you are sending out messages that sex-crazy guys are receiving loud and clear.
Have faith that there are plenty of men out there who want to respect and enjoy women for who they are, which sounds like what you want. The ball is in your court. If a man makes his sex-focused intentions clear, be direct with him: "I'm not interested."
If a guy pursues you in a way that makes you feel honored, then respond to him and get ready for a potential relationship. It IS that simple. You cannot control the minds of some men, but you can control which types of guys you choose to be around and how you respond to them.
Lily: While I agree that we all play a part in who we attract, I do not agree with Catherine's insinuation that you can attract lowlifes only by wearing skanky clothes or showing up at shady clubs. Creeps are everywhere. The bright side is that nice guys DO exist.
So why do you keep running into these immature weirdos? Call it chance or bad timing, or chalk it up to life lessons, but you need to turn these lemons into "limonada." Use these horrible encounters to remind you of what you ARE looking for in a guy. Get a group of girlfriends together and share horror stories — this will help you weed out the creep-infested places on your list of hangout spots.
Evaluating the kind of behavior that attracts this type of man is only half the answer. The other half is a positive, go-get-'em attitude that will help you deal with all the frogs. So in defense of all our princes out there, dust yourself off and don't give up!
GLOSSARY
limonada: lemonade
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