Sione Havili knows he's risking a lot for a childhood dream, but he would rather live with disappointment than regret.
The gamble Havili is making is that he can find his way to the NFL by way of the Big Sky Conference instead of beginning his journey toward a career as a lawyer. The Utah native and current senior at Texas Tech is passing up a year of free law school and a starting defensive position in the Big 12 for a chance to start at running back for Weber State where Ron McBride, a coach he's known since he was a boy, took over the program this winter.
"In life you need to take risks," the former East High student said. "The greater the risk, the greater the reward. I've always wanted to play running back. And if I fail, then at least I won't have any regrets."
And if there is one thing Havili knows, it's regret.
After a high school career in which he led his East High team to two state titles, Havili signed with BYU and headed out into the LDS Church mission field. His life couldn't have been more storybook for a young LDS man.
Then he was abruptly called home to face felony charges that alleged he and several friends fire-bombed a house. A plea agreement sent him to jail for a year and to the University of Utah to play for McBride.
At 19, he went from being a Mormon missionary to a convicted felon in just a few months time. Jail was both rock bottom and the beginning of redemption for the talented athlete, who has gone to great lengths and three states to hang onto his dream of playing football.
"Sometimes it was hard for me, and I wondered why I hang on," he said. "I went straight from a Mormon mission to that type of setting. It was hard. I felt that it was somewhat degrading. . . . Most of the people in there are just like everyone else, but they've just made some mistakes."
Jail wasn't just devastating for Havili. It was a blow to his family, who was stunned and saddened by his actions.
"That was the hardest, when I took him and dropped him off at the jail," said his mom, Elva Havili. "He had to pay the consequences of his wrong. I didn't cry until after I kissed him goodbye."
Once in jail, Havili decided to make changes in his life that would insulate him from making any more mistakes that would deprive him of his freedom and his dream of playing football.
"I decided I had to distance myself from certain pressures," he said. "I started teaching Bible classes. It was helping me more than anyone else. It kept me grounded knowing there was a greater purpose to life."
He had a lot to look forward to, including a faithful girlfriend, supportive family and the promise of playing football at the U. He got out of jail, got married and enrolled in school at the U. Then trouble began again.
University administrators decided Havili could not play football for the school because of his felony conviction. After his appeals failed, he left the state and went to El Camino College in California.
"I kind of thought it was all over," he said. "When you're young, you think it's the end of the world."
His mother even advised him to let go of that boyhood dream.
"I did tell him maybe you should just focus on school and don't worry about football," she said. "He just said, 'Mom, I've always wanted to play football. It's always been my dream.' "
Disappointed but not deterred, he said leaving Utah turned out to have unforeseen benefits.
"It was probably better for me to pursue my career out of state," he said. "No one was willing to take me (in Utah). It was disheartening, and the most frustrating thing was that I felt the administrators at the U. of U. were overlooking that I'd been punished."
He realized that some people might never overlook what he'd done as a teenager. It was a painful lesson to learn, and he thought it might cost him his lifelong dream of playing in the NFL.
"Going to California was good for a lot of reasons," he said. "I had to overcome things on my own. In Utah, I was always marked as a convicted felon and arsonist. In California, they focused on my skills, not my past."
With a wife, a baby on the way, a job and full-time school, Havili thrived. He did so well that he earned a scholarship to Texas Tech where he changed from an offensive player to defense.
"It was more of a spread offense, and in my first game, I got just four carries," he said. "I knew in order for me to get playing time, I needed to play a different position."
This year, he made academic all-Big 12, and after the season, he was offered a starting spot on the team's defense next season and a year of law school — free. Then he found out McBride was moving back to Utah to coach at Weber State, and he called his old coach.
"I've always wanted to play running back," he said. "If I fail, then at least I won't have any regrets."
His parents advised him to stay at Texas Tech and take the free education. But Havili explained his loyalty to McBride and his desire to run the football.
He said McBride stood up for him when no one else wanted to give him a second chance. McBride is certain Havili will be successful running the ball in the Big Sky and is excited for him to return to his home state. For Havili, it will be living part of the dream he's had since childhood.
"I don't think any other coach would do for a player in my situation what coach Mac has done for me," Havili said. "Time is running out. It's kind of weird; it's like coming full circle. It's perfect, so I have to take a shot at it. I think it's just the perfect situation. I'll finally have the opportunity to play in front of my family and friends; I'll be playing for coach Mac; and I'll get the chance to run the football."
While coming home also means coming back to the place where his past can haunt him, Havili, his family and his coaches feel there is a lot more to learn from his story than scorn.
"I made a stupid decision when I was young," Havili said. "Since then, I have done everything in my power to make up for it."
His second cousin Reno Mahe, who graduated from BYU and now plays in the NFL, is certain Havili will be successful.
"It's why I look up to Sione so much," Mahe said, "because he's been able to overcome all of that. A lesser guy would have given up."
E-mail: adonaldson@desnews.com