BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. — Oh my gosh! Were you aware that there are a lot of people out there who are downright incensed that Kelly Monaco, not John O'Hurley, won on ABC's "Dancing With the Stars"?
Who knew?
And did you know that those final dances on that final episode of the surprise summer hit meant absolutely, positively nothing? That they could have just handed Monaco the (cheaply made) trophy at the beginning of the hour and dispensed with the dancing and the in-studio judging that proved to be so controversial?
Really.
I just knew that it wasn't going to go smoothly when Monaco, her dance partner, the judges and the show's producers appeared before critics, because, earlier in the day, ABC Entertainment president Steve McPherson had been peppered with questions about Dancing-gate. It seems there's a vocal contingent out there that is absolutely, utterly convinced that the show was rigged — slanted in Monaco's favor because she's on an ABC soap, "General Hospital."
And Question No. 1, asked by a TV critic (not me) and aimed like a dagger at the heart of the judges, was, "With all due respect — I'm asking this on behalf of my readers — what in the hell were you thinking in the final finale?" Which was asked with a stunning amount of passion (and redundancy).
The judges — whom McPherson had already said will be back when the show returns at midseason — weren't backing down, however.
"What were you watching?" judge Bruno Tonioli said. "It was obvious. She gave the best performance of the evening. . . . So I stand by my 10."
"I've got to say that I probably, like yourself, felt that the best overall dancer over the six weeks was John O'Hurley and Charlotte," said judge Len Goodman, who added that he thought O'Hurley did a "fabulous job" and thus he gave them a 9. "Out came Kelly with Alec (Mazzo) and I thought they did a better job, so where do I go? . . . I had to give them a 10. I had nowhere else to go."
Which set off an explosion, at least among some critics who said they received "hundreds" of outraged e-mails from their readers. (Note to my readers: Not one of you complained to me — which was also the case for a bunch of other critics I asked.)
Monaco didn't look happy when all this started. And she was absolutely correct when she pointed out, "Either way, someone would have had a backlash."
Frankly, I've become a big Kelly Monaco fan as the result of her performance in the press conference. She came out swinging.
Asked by one critic if she would assent to McPherson's suggestion that she and O'Hurley have a rematch/dance-off, Monaco said to "Bring it on," adding, "You want a dance-off? Come on up here — I'll give you a dance-off."
Faced with allegations that she was somehow favored because she's on an ABC show, Monaco shot back, "And I guess Trista (Sutter of 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette') wasn't a part of ABC then, huh? No? No, she wasn't an ABC darling, but I happen to be because I won the competition? That's crazy!"
And the judges said they were never told how to vote — and that they were unaware of Monaco's ABC connection.
As for the suggestion, made by McPherson himself, that "you can't underestimate the power of the daytime audience" when you look at the fan response to Monaco, she fought that one as well, pointing to the fact that O'Hurley "was a part of a phenomenon — 'Seinfeld,' people, 20 million people a week. It's still airing in syndication. I am on a soap that (attracts) 2.4 million viewers a day. . . . You do the math."
She agreed that the soap fans are "very vocal." But, "That's all they are. You read the (Web site) board. It's the same 30 people responding." (Ooooh — maybe not a good idea to dis soap fans.)
"And, mind you, these people hated me before this show," Monaco said. "Hated me. . . . The majority of them hated me, hated my (soap) character, would not support me if you gave them money. They watched this show and got behind me. That says something about the format of the show."
For anyone who really is upset about how the judges scored the finale, keep this in mind — THEIR SCORES WERE ABSOLUTELY MEANINGLESS.
The badly explained format of the show provided that one couple would be eliminated each week based on a combination of the judges' scoring and viewers' votes. When the show originated in Great Britain, viewers voted by phone or online and the results were known before the end of each episode — but the United Kingdom has only one time zone.
Because the show was not seen at exactly the same time across all of the United States, the show ended up combining the judges' scores from that week's dances with the fan voting for the last week's dances. And when it came down to the final two couples, the fan votes — based on the dances in the second-to-last episode — were the tie-breaker.
Heading into the finale, the fans voted for Monaco. Even if the judges had gone with O'Hurley, it would have been a 1-1 tie. And the fans' votes would have trumped the judges' scores.
So . . . THE DANCES IN THE FINALE WERE ABSOLUTELY MEANINGLESS.
Which is why ABC will add a weekly, half-hour results show in the "American Idol" mode when the show returns (presumably in January).
As to all those people who are so incensed over who won "Dancing With the Stars," I don't mean to minimize your pain — but nobody won any money on this show. Monaco won a lousy trophy.
If you want to be upset about something, how about the way that plane mysteriously returned to the gate in Puerto Rico to pick up Joyce in Uchenna, who went on to win a million bucks in "The Amazing Race" instead of Rob and Amber?
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com