POSEIDON — * 1/2 — Josh Lucas, Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfuss; rated PG-13 (violence, profanity, brief gore, vulgarity).
As far as disaster movies and remakes are concerned, "Poseidon" is, well, a disaster.
It's a big-budgeted "re-imagining" that makes the 1972 hit film from producer Irwin Allen look much better by comparison. And that film is fondly remembered as being better than it actually is.
But getting back to the current version of Paul Gallico's novel, it's a ludicrous, contrived mess that even the studio would probably laugh off if it hadn't cost so much to make (it's obviously a $100 million-plus production).
Josh Lucas stars as Dylan Johns, a veteran gambler and former U.S. Navy man who finds himself aboard the luxury liner Poseidon, which capsizes after being hit by a "rogue wave."
Most of the survivors have decided to remain in the main ballroom and wait for rescue. But Dylan is determined to find a way out of the ship, which he believes will sink before help arrives.
A handful of his fellow passengers has decided to follow, including Robert Ramsey (Kurt Russell), a former New York City mayor, his daughter and her boyfriend (Emmy Rossum and Mike Vogel), a young mother and her child (Jacinda Barrett and Jimmy Bennett) and a once-suicidal, middle-aged man (Richard Dreyfuss).
However, their path out of the ship is filled with blocked passageways, flash fires, flooding compartments and other perils.
This kind of material would seem ideal for director Wolfgang Petersen ("Das Boot," "The Perfect Storm"). But Mark Protosevitch's script is drowning in cliches.
And it's desperately missing the cheesy fun of the original. There's no encrusted Leslie Nielsen at the wheel of the ship, and there's no performance of Maureen McGovern's "The Morning After" (though Fergie from the Black-Eyed Peas does show up to sing "Auld Lang Syne").
But you have to appreciate how the film manages to kill off some of its most annoying characters in the most brutal way.
"Poseidon" is rated PG-13 for strong scenes of violence (various ship mishaps, including electrocutions, drownings and explosive mayhem), scattered use of profanity and suggestive language and brief gore. Running time: 98 minutes.
E-mail: jeff@desnews.com