The fifth of the Ten Commandments includes a promise — the only one of the 10 that mentions a benefit for obedience. But what does "Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" (Exodus 20:12) really mean?
With Mother's Day falling Sunday, this weekend is an appropriate time to explore the Fifth Commandment.
"If you don't honor your parents or human beings, you ultimately dishonor God," Bill Heersink, assistant professor at the Salt Lake Theological Seminary, said.
He's not aware of any surveys that have been conducted to determine if life spans are really longer for those who honored their parents.
On a simple level, it appears the promise of a long life by honoring your father and mother had reference to Mosaic law in the Old Testament. Exodus 21:17 stated that death was the Mosaic penalty for cursing your parents.
Tom McClenahan, another assistant professor at the Salt Lake Theological Seminary, said the Fifth Commandment is an admonition not to compartmentalize. You have to love everyone, your parents and family included.
While he agrees the Mosaic law called for the death of children who did not honor their parents, he also wonders if the promise of a long life also doesn't refer to one's eternal life.
"The Ten Commandments are God's guidelines/laws of love, and they are most definitely relevant to those who live in the 21st century," Pastor Travis Mitchell of Sandy Ridge Community Church in Sandy said.
He maintains the word "honor" comes from the Hebrew word "kabod," which communicates the idea of giving one's parents weight and treating them as important.
Pastor Mitchell does not believe it means admiration, because some children may not have great parents. Nor does it necessarily mean to trust or confide in them, because some parents have proven to be untrustworthy.
"It means you give them weight — you ask and listen to their opinions and consider their input. You may not follow their advice, but you listen to it.
"It means you thank them — even if there is not much to thank them for. No parent does everything wrong ... .
"It means in social settings you give them the position of honor."
Pastor Mitchell stressed there is no "if" in this commandment. "It does not say honor your parents if they deserve it," he noted.
What about the promise of a long life? He said Paul reiterated the commandment's promise in Ephesians 6:2-3.
He said it doesn't necessarily mean a long life span. It may mean "in other words, a long-lasting sense of life and prosperity to a society that has established a culture of honoring parents."
Rabbi Joshua M. Aaronson of Park City's Jewish Temple Har Shalom, said the commandment means, "First, that we should act with respect toward our parents and second, that the actions of our lives should bring honor to them."
He said the commandment's promise "means physical, long life ... you'll live to be old. Is that promise still relevant today? Probably not, if it ever was."
According to the Catholic Encyclopedia: "We honour our parents, from whom we received our earthly being, and to whom we owe our bringing-up and preparation for the battle of life."
"Honoring our mothers and fathers means the same thing today as it did when the Ten Commandments were written. It's not about little children being obedient to parents, but honoring parents in old age. Elderly parents must be taken care of honorably, not (like in biblical times) simply sent out to pasture to die," the Rev. Tom Goldsmith of Salt Lake's First Unitarian Church said.
"Today's nursing homes raise an interesting question: Is this how we best care for our parents or honor them? Are we too expedient in our care for our parents? If we intend to follow the biblical injunctions today, the question of caring for el "To honor one's parents is to respect them," the Rev. Steve Goodier of Christ United Methodist Church of Salt Lake said. "It means that, as children, we learn to respect their position in our lives, and as adults, we foster a caring and loving relationship with them wherever possible. When our parents age, it may mean that we watch out for their welfare and treat them with dignity."
The Rev. Goodier also said when parents have been abusive, honoring one's parents may mean acting in their best interest, even if that is confronting their behavior in order to heal the relationship.
Elder Hugh W. Pinnock of the First Quorum of the Seventy of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, writing for the New Era in June 1982, said the Savior taught us to honor and respect our earthly parents, knowing that what we become depends largely upon what we receive from them.
"Sometimes a parent will do something wrong, causing a young boy or girl or a young man or woman to ask, 'How can I honor my parents when they do things that are not right?' The answer, of course, comes in the words of the Savior where he said, 'I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven' (Matt. 18:22). We have the same responsibility to forgive a parent's mistake as we expect to be forgiven by them and by others," Elder Pinnock wrote.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the LDS Quorum of the Twelve stated in the Ensign in May 1991, "The commandment to honor our parents has strands that run through the entire fabric of the gospel. It is inherent in our relationship to God our Father. It embraces the divine destiny of the children of God. This commandment relates to the government of the family, which is patterned after the government of heaven.
"In this day, failing to honor our parents is not a capital crime in any country of which I am aware. However, the divine direction to honor our father and our mother has never been revoked," Elder Oaks said.
President Spencer W. Kimball, 12th president of the LDS Church, taught, "If we truly honor (our parents) we will seek to emulate their best characteristics and to fulfill their highest aspirations for us. Young people, if you honor your parents, you will love them, respect them, confide in them, be considerate of them, express appreciation for them, and demonstrate all of these things by following their counsel in righteousness and by obeying the commandments of God."
What if your parents are deceased?
"To persons whose parents are dead, honoring parents is likely to involve thoughts of family reunions, family histories, temple work and commitment to the great causes in which departed parents spent their lives," Elder Oaks said. "Middle-aged persons are likely to think of the commandment to honor our fathers and our mothers in terms of caring for aged parents."
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