THE PIRATES WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING: A VEGGIETALES MOVIE — *** — Animated feature based on the home video series; G (nothing offensive)
"The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie" answers an intriguing question: Is there any point in watching the animated vegetables if they don't explicitly push religion, as they do in their videos?
Turns out there is. In addition to a great title, the film offers plenty of kid-level humor (as well as a few references adults will pick up on), a decent story and, as you might guess, a positive message.
Of course, if you're a hard-core "VeggieTales" fan, the lack of an overtly religious message might strike you as a cop-out. For the uninitiated, most of their films are based on biblical accounts. You turn to certain forms of entertainment for specific things, and you're disappointed when you don't get them.
But, while it's not going to make you forget "Toy Story" or "The Incredibles," if you're just in the market for an entertaining kids' film, "Pirates" will do nicely enough.
It begins with a classic premise: an evil pirate, Robert the Terrible (voiced by Cam Clarke) kidnaps a Prince Alexander (Yuri Lowenthal) and Princess Eloise (Laura Gerow), who are also his niece and nephew. Robert has designs on the throne but needs to eliminate the heirs.
Fast-forward to the present, where we meet George (Phil Vischer, who wrote the script), Sedgewick (Vischer) and Elliot (Mike Nawrocki, who also directed). They're mistaken for heroes, when, in fact, they actually play lowly cabin boys in a dinner-theater production of a pirate story.
No matter. Heroes aren't born — they're made by circumstance.
Soon the hapless three are transported back in time, by way of an old wooden rowboat (don't ask) and forced to prove themselves in an effort to save Alexander and Eloise.
There aren't a lot of surprises here, as befits a film aimed at small children. If you want to get picky, the resolution to Alexander and Eloise's problem kind of comes out of nowhere. And the ending is rather bizarre, though the vegetables who attended the dinner theater on the night in question certainly got their money's worth.
When the king (Clarke) returns, it sets up what comes closest to a religious message. While no deity is specifically mentioned, the king's message to the would-be pirate heroes does involve ideas such as no one being given more than they can handle, a benevolent king watching over people and finding something inside yourself that allows you to rise to the occasion.
It's not Sunday school, exactly, but it's a nice little message at the heart of a pleasant little movie. You could do much worse.
"The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie" is rated G. Running time: 85 minutes.