"TWO TO THE FIFTH," by Piers Anthony, Tor, $24.95 (hardback)
"Two to the Fifth" is the latest book in Piers Anthony's Xanth series. The title, when worked out mathematically, equals 32, which happens to be the place the book holds in the series.
The story begins with Cyrus Cyborg, who is half barbarian and half robot, and his companion Don Donkey, a robot donkey who powers himself by burning wood, on a quest to find the Good Magician Humfrey in order for Cyrus to find out his true desire in life.
Cyrus asks Humfrey the wrong question, and before he has a chance to take it back, the magician answers him, telling him he "will be the master of thespians." Since the magician answered Cyrus' question, Cyrus must now perform some type of service for him.
At this time Ragna Roc, a very powerful magical bird, has assembled an army in an attempt to take over Xanth. Ragna travels to various cities around Xanth establishing his realm, "deleting" those who try to oppose him. When a foe is deleted they are basically turned into a ghost. They can still be seen and interact with others but have no physical substance.
Humfrey gives Cyrus a mission to become a famous playwright, establish a troupe of actors and begin performing plays in an effort to gain enough recognition that they will receive an invitation to Ragna's castle. The title of the book also refers to a clue as to how Cyrus is to defeat Ragna. Three powerful princess sorceresses, Melody, Harmony and Rhythm, are part of Cyrus' crew and may be powerful enough to challenge Ragna if they can get close enough to him without being deleted.
Anthony's Xanth novels typically contain numerous puns; the latest is no exception. The first few puns are somewhat interesting and slightly amusing, but as the story progresses the persistent puns become tiring and annoying. At one point Cyrus himself gets weary from all the puns and says, "I am growing tired of the big bird's penchant for puns."
As annoying as the incessant puns are, the most disturbing aspect of the book is the fact that Cyrus falls in love with — and develops a relationship with — Princess Rhythm. The problem is that Rhythm happens to be 12 years old. Anthony tries to make the affair seem justifiable by having Rhythm invoke a decade spell that ages her 10 years for one hour anytime Cyrus and Rhythm "summon the stork." The spell makes her 22 years old but only for one hour after which time she reverts back to 12.
Hard-core Xanth fans may enjoy this book. However, that seems highly unlikely. The story is weak and uninteresting and the constant puns and references to sex and female anatomy make it almost unbearable to read.
E-mail: jgivens@desnews.com