If you're going to be stereotyped, there are worse ways than the stereotypes tossed at Salt Lake City on Wednesday night on "American Idol."
The judges and host of America's most-watched TV show characterized Utah as pretty much too good to be true. If you watched the recap of the local auditions for the hit Fox show, you were left with the impression that, gee whiz, everybody here is just full of "good vibes, cheer and happiness," as host Ryan Seacrest put it.
"When the sun came up in Salt Lake City, it shined on some of the happiest people we've ever seen," he said.
If that didn't come close enough to comparing Utah to Disneyland, Seacrest later characterized Salt Lake City as "truly one of the happiest places on Earth."
"I think I need to move here," judge Paula Abdul said.
"We should all move here," judge Randy Jackson added. "It's nice here."
And judge Simon Cowell looked perplexed and even annoyed as a series of rejected hopefuls politely thanked the judges as they exited the audition room.
It didn't take long for the Osmonds to come up. Three minutes into the show, there was 29-year-old David Osmond, one of Alan's sons. He told America that not only does his father have multiple sclerosis but that he, too, has been battling MS for three years.
"I feel my dad in every step," Osmond said.
Abdul, Jackson and judge Kara DioGuardi all criticized his song choice; Cowell said he would be making a "massive mistake … if you think you're contemporary"; but in the end, all four voted to send Osmond on to the next round in Hollywood.
(The list of Hollywood finalists has not been released, and not everyone who made it through the Salt Lake City auditions made it on the air on Wednesday's episode of "Idol." The list of more than 100 will be whittled down to 36 in the next round, which was actually taped in December.)
There was plenty of scenic footage of the Salt Lake area, repeated references to last year's "Idol" runner-up, Utahn David Archuleta; several mentions that this is the home of the "High School Musical" movies; and the kind of fudging that goes on in every "American Idol" audition episode.
No, it didn't all happen in one day; no, the judges weren't even in town when the crowds gathered at the EnergySolutions Arena in July; and, no, that chubby guy waving his belly around in the show's opening moments isn't from Utah — he's from St. Louis.
As is the pattern with "American Idol," producers picked out a few individuals to spotlight.
Taylor Vaifanua, 16, who said her parents moved the family back to Utah from Samoa so the kids could "be noticed for their talent (and yet they live in … Hurricane?!?!?) made a great impression on the judges.
"I think this is one of the best vocals I've heard since we've been doing this Season 8," Jackson said.
Austin Sisneros, 17, the senior class president at Riverton High, managed to charm his way into a second chance with the judges, who all hated his song choices.
"I feel like you guys don't want me to fail. You want me to do good, right?" he said.
"Austin, we haven't quite joined the fan club yet," Cowell replied.
But, in the end, he won them over.
Megan Corkrey, 23, a soon-to-be-single mother from Sandy who made a surprisingly good impression on the normally grumpy Cowell. He said hers was "one of my favorite auditions, because you're different. You are one of the few I'm going to remember."
And then there was Chris Kirkham, 26, of Ogden, who brought along his good luck bunny — a guy dressed in a big, pink bunny suit.
"Some people bring the lucky rabbit foot. I brought the whole rabbit," Kirkham said.
"This is weird," DioGuardi said.
And it didn't work. Kirkham was rejected, but at least the bunny got to give Cowell a bear hug.
Tara Matthew, 21, of Salt Lake City, didn't impress the judges with her Gothlike attire, her claims of ESP or her voice. Simon rolled his eyes in astonishment. And that was before she started to sing. Badly.
"One day I'll fly away," she sang.
"Hopefully, soon," said Cowell, who said everything about her was "horrendous."
She flipped the bird to the cameras, adding, "Blur it out, blur it out."
She wasn't the only one to get her little bit of fame despite having less than a little bit of talent. Aleesha Turner, 19, of Herriman; Katie Sullivan, 18, of Orem; and Richard Kagel, 28, of Salt Lake City all got the quick boot but at least they all got a few seconds of airtime.
"You're never, ever in a million billion years going to win a show like this," Cowell told Kagel.
"Can I sing something else?" Kagel responded obliviously.
There were montages of bad singers; a clip-fest of crying from the unsuccessful; and a string of unidentified hopefuls who were sent on to the next round (although we didn't get to see their auditions).
Not all the stories were of Utahns. Among those profiled were a single mother from Hollywood, Calif., and a teenage orphan from Rathdrum, Idaho.
And, in the end, the consensus was that "American Idol" had found lots of talent in Utah. DioGuardi said she heard "one to three people that I could possibly see as the Idol."
And Jackson said, "Salt Lake was on fire."
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com