Dear Annie: I am a 23-year-old girl, and my best friend, "Natalie," is my roommate.
We have been best friends since childhood and have a strong bond. We went to the same high school, now attend the same college and even studied abroad together.
The problem is, Natalie has a tendency to be a storm cloud of negativity. Even though she has a great boyfriend, lots of good friends, plenty of money and a terrific family, her ability to always focus on the negative is beginning to wear on me.
For 10 years, I have fought my hardest to make her smile, no matter what it took. Two months ago, I threw a surprise birthday party for her. She'd been telling me for nearly a year that she couldn't wait to have a great birthday with her friends away from home.
I did my best to prepare everything perfectly and spent a lot of money and energy. But I felt it was worth it for my best friend. Everything seemed to be going perfectly until she began crying at the party. Afterward, I asked her what was going on. She said she wasn't getting enough attention at the party.
Annie, everyone was fawning all over her the entire night, but somehow it wasn't sufficient for Natalie. After this, I started to withdraw from her. No matter how hard I try to please her, it's never good enough. Right now, I don't want to do anything more for her, because it's too painful. Am I out of line to feel this way? What can I do to make her happy? — Best Friend Forever
Dear BFF: Nothing. Natalie isn't simply a "storm cloud of negativity," dear. She's a bottomless pit of emotional need and sounds a bit self-absorbed, as well. Your efforts will never be good enough. The best thing you can do for her is recommend she get therapy to find out why she is unable to appreciate the good things in her life.
Dear Annie: Two years ago, my husband and I retired and moved to Florida. I have a volunteer job one day a week. However, I have not met any female friends who I see on a regular basis. My husband found a group of guys to golf with, and he also goes fishing with them. Sometimes he is gone all day. The guys are mostly single, divorced men in their 60s, so I can't even socialize with their wives.
I do not golf, so don't advise me to take it up. On the days we are together, it's a struggle to find things we both enjoy. He has never been affectionate. He's never given me a compliment in all the years we have been married. He cooks and helps around the house, but he'd obviously rather be with his buddies. I want him to be happy, but I am lonely. I've also noticed that his friends have had quite an influence on the way he behaves. I worry if I take off to visit my family, he will spend more time with them and things will get worse.
We seem to be drifting apart. I never thought retirement would be so difficult. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being married and lonely. Any ideas? — Alone in Florida
Dear Florida: You need to find things to keep you busy. Your husband is obviously not going to provide a social life, but surely there are activities you enjoy. The community center, park district or retirement residences probably organize groups to attend plays or concerts. Find a book or gourmet club in your area. Join a gym and sign up for a fitness class where you can meet other women on a regular basis. Volunteer at the local hospital or library. They would appreciate you.
Dear Annie: "Going Gray" doesn't want to color her hair. She knows the gray makes her look old enough to be mistaken for her husband's mother or her son's grandmother, and she still chooses not to color it. Why would she need a snappy comeback? It's her choice. She can't have it both ways. — What's the Problem?
Dear What: We agree. If she chooses to let her hair go gray naturally, she should not be surprised to be mistaken for someone older. It comes with the territory. But we don't believe she was looking for anything "snappy." Rather, she wanted something to correct a mistaken impression.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.