I read with interest the recent Jason F. Wright article regarding an offensive T-shirt worn at a county fair he attended with his family: he wanted to say something, but didn’t. He wondered if he was a coward and asked what we would have done? A similar situation happened to me; I, however, did say something. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but I would do it again. I would also say Wright isn’t a coward and speaking up in this day and age can be, as he posited, dangerous.
I was waiting in line at a supermarket at the self checkout along with other patrons on a busy evening. A teenager stood ahead with a small boy in tow: He was a smorgasbord of piercings, tattoos and chains — none of these things make one a bad person. He also wore a T-shirt with a giant four-letter curse word emblazoned on the back. I was appalled and embarrassed someone had the gall to wear such a vulgar shirt in a public place. It bugged me.
I sarcastically commented “Nice shirt!” Apparently, I wasn’t sarcastic enough because he grinned and nodded. I told him I wasn’t serious and what I thought of his choice of attire, “That’s a pretty stupid shirt to wear especially when there are women and children present. It might go with your crowd, but is disrespectful to wear here.“ I did this without raising my voice. He shrugged it off and we went our ways. After I had bagged my groceries, paid and was heading for the door, I was greeted by the store manager, the boy and his mother.
Apparently, he had gone out to the car and told her. My first thought was really? This kid went out to get his mom because the mean man didn’t appreciate his shirt? The manager immediately went into a “freedom of speech” bit.
The discussion began and it was readily apparent from talking with his mother why the boy was the way he was: no boundaries. The boy swore and called me a foul name, he was not happy I confronted him.
The prevalent attitude here was anybody can do whatever they want without any repercussions. The manager shared a glint of wisdom when he said, “You can’t expect to wear this and not get a comment.” Yes, freedom of speech goes both ways doesn’t it! That was the extent of his wisdom as I somehow became the bad guy and the manager turned coat as we discussed wearing the shirt and the consequences involved.
Even though it was obviously inappropriate, it seemed the boy was led to believe his behavior was acceptable. Emboldened by this he repeatedly swore at me while attending adults thought nothing of it. I told the manager we can’t have reasonable discourse with him using this language in the middle of a store where my neighbors shop.
I soon departed quite rattled by the tone of things. I believe in freedom of speech and expression, but it’s not without consequences: If a person shares top secret government information, he can be imprisoned for treason, if certain images are found on a computer one can go to jail. If I yell “fire” in a crowded theater when there isn’t one and a stampede ensues, I will be arrested and prosecuted. One can’t threaten to kill somebody either.
In some states you can be ticketed for vulgar bumper stickers and T-shirts if they are patently offensive to the community’s standards of obscenity. Certain words can be branded as “fighting words” or “disturbing the peace” but realistically are hard to define. This isn’t always the case and the laws can be inconsistent. Much depends on what, why and where as well as the societal mores and statutes existing there.
The following day I talked to officials at the store’s corporate offices and was told the manager handled the situation poorly and I was given an apology. There had been training on this and a similar situation had happened just prior and was dealt with properly. Managers also have the right to refuse business to anyone. They said they valued my business more than the boy’s, and admitted others present were probably offended as well.
In relating this story, I was surprised by how many good people told me I shouldn’t have said anything. An attorney I know said I gave the boy what he wanted — attention. Trust me, he was not at all pleased with my reaction … um, he had to go get his mom!
I don’t consider myself heroic or special in any way, but I’m keenly aware that “all that is needed for the forces of evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” I was heartened by President Thomas S. Monson’s recent comments in a general priesthood session: “Do we have the moral courage to stand firm for our beliefs, even if by so doing we must stand alone?” I hope we do.
David Candland has a good heart, would love to change the world and is keenly aware that he "kind of" looks like Elvis and talks too much.