SALT LAKE CITY — Nick Emery took it on, all by himself. That was his big mistake. Being a BYU basketball player and a campus celebrity. Punching an opponent. Getting divorced. Triggering an NCAA investigation.
Eventually, there was a suicide attempt.
He now says support from loved ones and getting mental health counseling brought him to where he is today, starting a new life. If he’s wise, it will be a safe distance from BYU athletics, so he can work on being something beyond a former basketball star.
On Tuesday, Emery announced he is retiring, leaving his final season on the table.
“I am at a point in my life where I’m happy with what I accomplished with basketball and I’m ready to start the next chapter of my life with my wife and son,” he said in an Instagram post.
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Thus ends one of the most convoluted, drama-filled stories in BYU basketball history.
It’s a good thing for all that he’s leaving. The program can move forward and so can he. Basketball may have been his escape, but the pressure also invited demons. In a blog post last March, he described waking in a hospital room in 2017 and realizing he had attempted to end his life. He posted a link on Twitter that said, “Suicide, mental health, depression, anxiety? My story! Please share with anyone in need of hope and help. Always remember, 'Your story is the Key to unlocking somebody else’s Prison.'”
He went on to describe seeing his brother and a friend by his bedside, and urged anyone struggling with mental health issues to “KEEP PUSHING FORWARD AND SEEK HELP!”
He continued, “This whole mental health stigma needs to be broken.”
Emery wasn’t an NBA prospect, but he was a good collegian. On nights his long distance radar was working, his game was superb. Likewise, he was a fierce competitor. But that boiled over in December 2015 against Utah when, late in a losing effort, he sucker-punched the Utes’ Brandon Taylor. The play so incensed Utah coach Larry Krystkowiak that he canceled the next year’s rivalry game.
Emery withdrew from school for a year in 2017-18 while the NCAA investigated a case involving impermissible benefits. BYU forfeited 47 games. Upon his return last season, Emery’s game wasn’t the same. He averaged 6.1 points and 1.6 assists, both career lows. He also averaged a career low in minutes.
Throughout his first two seasons, and his year off, Emery drew heavy criticism, though not just from Utah fans. He also shouldered blame from some BYU fans, who felt he had embarrassed the school.
In some ways he didn’t deserve the level of criticism leveled against him when the NCAA sanctions hit. He did hurt people with his decisions. But he was never tied to the heinous crimes other college athletes commit, such as assault, robbery, drug dealing, etc. Still, landing BYU in the NCAA doghouse wasn’t lightly received.
Emery’s story — and willingness to share it — says something about the journey. There are millions who finally own their mistakes. But his had a twist. It involved a player at BYU, where athletes can feel smothered by a “perfection” culture. People aren’t one-dimensional. Yet that’s often how athletes are viewed. It’s easy to compartmentalize them as good people or bad people, depending on the uniform.
Emery was flawed and vulnerable — like 7.5 billion others on Planet Earth.
His issues just played out on a big stage.
“I promise you, I am human. Basketball is what I do but basketball is not who I am,” he wrote in a December 2017 blog.
Emery’s story should be a reminder for fans of BYU, Utah and every other team. The message is that there’s a person inside the uniform. Players feel pressure to be great and, yes, they also feel the love and the hate.
“I’ve learned so many life lessons and this journey has been so rewarding,” Emery wrote on Tuesday.
Sports fans may have learned something too.