Healing can be “elusive” for those seeking freedom from addiction, Elder Patrick Kearon acknowledged during the Utah Coalition Against Pornography conference on Saturday.
“When steps forward turn to slips back, sometimes time and time again wounds reopen, frustration grows and hope dims.”
But the same God who “yearns for our progress” will “stay with us to the end,” said this newest member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
“We are learning to see repentance as a beautiful way of living, rather than as a burden or a heavy process we would rather avoid,” he said in a prerecorded video message. Instead of a “one time event,” those struggling with a difficult habit begin to appreciate this as a “daily, hourly hourly and even minute by minute practice” of “turning themselves back to Jesus Christ.”
Over time, such a practice “gives us divine strength from the Savior to change our minds, hearts and lives, little by little,” he said. This is possible because of a God who is “ever patient and ever forgiving” and who “magnifies our development and delights in our successes.”
The Utah Coalition Against Pornography is an independent non-profit, convening people of diverse backgrounds, including people of faith who look to “different higher powers,” explained the coalition director, Pamela Atkinson.
Saturday’s gathering was attended by members and leaders of many faiths, including Reverend Langes J. Silva of the Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City — along with 1500 people online, joining from many states and countries, ranging from Australia to the Philippines (with interpretation available in 140 languages, including ASL).
In her introductory remarks of Elder Kearon, Atkinson highlighted the organization’s mission to “help individuals and families find hope, help and healing” — adding with a smile, “please note the alliteration. Isn’t that great? Three H’s.”
“I will focus my remarks under that beautifully optimistic trio of hope, help and healing,” Elder Kearon likewise began. Throughout his remarks, the apostle repeatedly expressed gratitude and saluted those dedicating their lives to help others heal, while also speaking directly to “the hurt, the wounded and the devastated by the actions of others.”
But the apostle’s primary focus was to “those who have fallen captive to any behavior, habit or addiction that has become destructive in their lives” — along with those who are now “winning their own battles” so they can bring their “own vibrant life” to others “beyond all that pain.”
Mighty hope
Any habit, compulsive behavior or addiction that takes hold of our lives can feel like a never ending battle, entangling mind and spirit, Elder Kearon acknowledged as he began. “It distorts relationships, robs us of self worth, and separates us from the beauties of life.”
No matter how difficult the journey, he taught, hope is the assurance that “healing and recovery are possible,” citing the Apostle Paul’s teaching that “we’re saved by hope.”
“The source of any and all hope is Jesus Christ, who is the God of hope,” Elder Kearon emphasized. “His redeeming power is without limits, and his ability to reclaim and restore souls is inexhaustible. ... There is “a way back from any loss, any wound, any pain, any heartache, any addiction or any habit, no matter what it is or how low we have sunk.”
This applies equally to the one with the struggle and with “the wives, husbands, children and other wounded and agonizing loved ones,” the apostle added.
“The sense that we are beyond help, beyond recovery, beyond the reach of the Savior’s great atoning gift is itself harmful and self destructive,” he cautioned. “When we are in the depths of misery and cannot feel His love and grace in our hearts, we must cling to the knowledge of this eternal truth in our heads until we can feel once again.”
Elder Kearon then quoted a man who struggled with pornography for over a decade, until he felt “unlovable” and kept everything hidden in what the apostle called “a war that is fought in isolation.”
This man eventually opened up and found that “genuine connections” to trusted friends, family, professional support and especially Jesus Christ taught him “that pornography does not serve me and that joy exists in recovery.”
“Pornography does not serve me and that joy exists in recovery.”
Other lessons this man shared include: “Salvation is present work — I can begin to be cleansed now. Christ is not ashamed of my struggles … Addiction is me abandoning him, yet he has never abandoned me. I need salvation more than air and redemption more than water. Only Christ can satisfy my true needs.”
Inspired help
“Help can be found from others all around you, and help comes from above,” Elder Kearon said. “We need both.”
“One of the most beautiful assurances in scripture,” he said, is when the Savior “promises to be our help”: “I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you.”
“The Lord does come to us in our times of need. He does so in many ways, through our earnest and consistent prayers, in the words of scripture, through the Holy Spirit’s distinctive voice, and by impressions that come to us through uplifting music and art.”
“He employs any and every channel that might touch us, his children, and he certainly does so through the people he places in our path.”
Elder Kearon encouraged attendees to stay open to employing “every beneficial, resource, angle and approach” in their family’s recovery journey, instead of merely asking God to free them. “I might as well ask the Lord to cause my wheat and corn to grow without my plowing the ground and casting in the seed,” he cited Brigham Young as saying.
Along with professional support and “growing efforts to provide inspired ministry for those who may be dealing with addiction,” the apostle noted, “we offer an addiction recovery program based on the 12-step model and centered on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Many who have participated in this program say they have come to learn and understand more about Jesus Christ’s gift here than in many other settings.”
This takes deliberate, concerted, resolute effort as well as forgiveness and grace, he said. But even when “the effort doesn’t always bring the outcome we seek ... we keep trying again and again.”
To loved ones also hurting
“We, like the Savior, do not give up on ourselves or others, and we do not abandon hope,” Elder Kearon said.
And yet “it is easy to feel powerless when a loved one struggles with any trial.” To spouses, parents, children and siblings “who experience feelings of betrayal, hurt, anger, helplessness and perhaps worst of all, a sense of guilt,” the apostle spoke directly: “Your loved ones’ destructive behaviors are not your fault. If you ever feel guilt for their actions, you must be relieved of this lie.”
“I’m sure every professional here will affirm and reaffirm that you are not responsible for, nor can you control the actions, behaviors or emotions of others you are responsible for and can control only yourself.”
Acknowledging that “co-dependency, unhealthy family dynamics, trauma and psychological or biological factors” can aggravate harmful patterns, he underscored: “importantly, all the same resources are available for you, and everyone here yearns for you to find this hope, help and healing as well.”
“For those of us who may yearn for the time when we might be able to forgive or wonder if we ever can,” the apostle affirmed this is “an important part of healing,” but said, “if the thought of forgiveness causes you yet more pain, set that step aside until you have more experience with the Savior’s healing power in your own life.”
“A woman in my church who had been through a painful divorce,” he noted, “received some sound advice: keep a place in your heart for forgiveness and when it comes, welcome it in.”
Lasting healing
“Overcoming damaging behaviors, habits and addictions is an arduous process, but each step forward is a step toward healing,” Elder Kearon taught. “When loved ones work together in a healthy, supportive and non blaming manner, the path to healing is accelerated for all.”
While acknowledging that the “prospect of healing” can feel “sometimes unbelievable,” he reassured that “healing is certainly possible. Many of you can attest to this beautiful truth.”
The apostle related another healing story of a man first exposed to pornography by a friend’s magazine in kindergarten. Despite seeking to overcome it, the struggle continued for years, “Each relapse left me feeling tired, discouraged and unworthy of love.” The man admitted, “there were times I thought overcoming this addiction was impossible.”
Even though still feeling stuck, this individual felt prompted to begin exercising more frequently, eating more healthily and studying scriptures daily. He also practiced “deep breathing meditation and mindfulness” — all of which he said “helped me tap into my best self.” Referring to the 12-step program, this man added, “true healing came from God and Jesus Christ’s healing power.”
“Eventually, I wanted healing more than my addiction,” he said, sharing that he’ll soon celebrate his 10th wedding anniversary with his wife and their four children. This man is grateful that these difficult experiences have taught him to “protect women and virtue, to look outside myself in love during difficult times, and to keep a gratitude journal.”
“My life is a gift and a blessing.”
“Eventually, I wanted healing more than my addiction.”
Resting in boundless comfort
“For believers, it’s a source of boundless comfort to have the reassurance that the Savior walks this path with us,” Elder Kearon shared as his remarks were coming to a close. “His atoning gift is real, His power is infinite, and His love is never ending.”
“The Atonement of Jesus Christ leaves no tracks, no traces,” he said, quoting the late-Elder Boyd K. Packer. “What is fixed is fixed. It just heals, and what it heals stays healed. The atonement of Christ can wash clean every sin, no matter how difficult or how long or how many times repeated.”
While “this can be hard to believe for those in the midst of and affected by the struggle,” the apostle reiterated, “Our Heavenly Father loves us, each one of us, perfectly. He does not look at us as failures, but as beloved daughters and sons, his children finding our way home to him.”
“In a blazing moment of brilliant faith,” Elder Kearon related how the woman who had anciently suffered 12 long years finally reached to touch Jesus personally. “Daughter, be of good comfort. Thy faith hath made thee whole,” the Lord responded.
“He declares her not just healed, but whole,” the apostle noted. “The Savior does not merely treat symptoms. He restores souls.”
“Adversities are temporary,” he cited President Dallin H. Oaks as teaching. “What is permanent is what we become by the way we react to them.”
“My ultimate hope for those of you still battling, which I know you can achieve,” Elder Kearon said, “is that you will receive the greatest of all God’s gifts, eternal life. This is well within your reach.”
“His plan is to bring you home, not to keep you out, and he will employ every possible measure to bring you back. As I’ve said before, if you are prone to worry that you will never measure up, or that the loving reach of Christ’s infinite Atonement mercifully covers everyone else but not you, then you misunderstand.”
“Infinite means infinite. Infinite covers you and those you love.”