- A What to Expect poll of 492 moms found 91% had significant disagreements with partners after having a baby.
- The top sources of conflict were lack of personal time and communication issues between spouses.
- Experts say conflict can make a relationship stronger, but couples need to learn how to work through it.
The first year of a baby’s life can bring many highs and lows for new parents, including some conflict as they figure out how to raise a child together.
A Tuesday article from What to Expect showed “91% of parents report having significant disagreements with their partner after having a baby,” and 71% said they argued “a few times a month or more” during their baby’s first year of life, according to a poll of 492 moms with children under age 5.
“Among those parents, more than a third of them said the conflict was challenging for their relationship but manageable (38%), while more than 1 in 4 moms noted that it caused ongoing tension, intense conflict or distance (29%),” Caroline Picard, deputy editor of What to Expect, told Deseret News.
Picard said conflict in a relationship is “actually very healthy, and allows couples to address and repair issues together.” She said learning to work through conflicts as new parents can help couples build a stronger foundation, and teach them they can withstand life’s challenges.
“Give yourself some grace, and remember that you’re on the same team,” she said.
The article said the disagreements could be about things as simple as if the baby uses a pacifier too much, to larger issues like desperately wanting some alone time.
Here’s what parents fought about most:
The baby isn’t the issue
The biggest source of conflict for parents in the survey — 51% of them — was not having enough time for themselves. Other quarrels were over communication issues (43%), intimacy and relationship changes (38%), sleep routines and night duty (36%) and division of labor (34%).
Most parents recognized the baby didn’t cause them to fight, but other factors did. According to the article, “it’s feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated and touched out that’s driving the conflict.” And 53% of surveyed parents agreed.
Touched out, by the way, means “Don’t touch me. I need left alone.”
Picard said new parents are “under a lot of physical stress” from lack of sleep and intense hormonal shifts, and that can lead to short tempers.
The Bump also published a list in September 2025 with what it says are the “10 most common new-parent fights,” and they are similar to What to Expect’s survey findings:
- Whose sleep is more important?
- When to introduce baby to family and friends.
- Keeping score of baby duties.
- Resentment around the mental load.
- The emotional strain of early parenthood.
- Screen time during family time.
- Who stays home when baby is sick?
- The “right way” to do things.
- Feeling unappreciated.
- Lack of intimacy and connection.
There are many potential sources of conflict during a baby’s first year, but for a struggle that almost all parents experience, experts have tips on what couples can do to find more peace at home.
Take a break, take a walk or take a nap
Colleen Reichmann, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Wildflower Therapy LLC in Philadelphia, told What to Expect that parents shouldn’t let conflicts go unresolved.
“It’s really understandable to fall into negative communication patterns and start to withdraw from each other. But it gets harder and harder as you get entrenched in the loneliness, and feel like you’re not in it together anymore,” she said.
Parents need to be in the right state of mind while having serious conversations, though. If couples fight in the middle of the night, “nothing gets solved in those hours, and the fatigue dramatically affects your judgment and empathy,” Reichmann said.
To establish a better setting for having discussions about disagreements, Reichmann suggested setting aside specific times during the week to chat. She also proposed deciding on a signal or word to use to pause a fight.
“Proactive communication is a great way to prevent tense moments from turning into full-blown fights,” Picard said.
The article also suggested adding humor to a relationship to alleviate fights, like “inventing silly nicknames for your new baby.”
And when “it’s just too much,” couples should be willing to take and give each other breaks.
“You need at least 20 minutes. That’s how long it takes for your nervous system to settle down a little bit,” Zari Hedayat, director of training at the Los Angeles clinic Maternal Mental Health NOW, said in the article.