When my father courted my mother in rural Jamaica, he would pick her up on horseback for rendezvous amid the hills. He never lectured me on the steps to manhood. Instead, he modeled them: woo a woman with intention, marry, then build a home, family and shared life. That generational script — once passed naturally from fathers to sons — has frayed.
Richard Reeves, founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men, puts it plainly: “The old script for what it meant to be a boy or a man ... has been torn up by the changes of the last 40 years. ... But we haven’t replaced the old male script. That leaves a lot of men adrift.”
Statistics bear this out. Since 2010, suicide rates among young men have risen 30%, exceeding those of middle-aged men. Men’s share of college degrees has fallen to 41%. One in 10 men ages 20–24 is idle — neither in school nor working — double the 1990 rate. These trends in male rootlessness, driven by technological change, economic shifts and cultural upheaval, demand attention.
Policy proposals include delaying boys’ kindergarten entry (“redshirting”), expanding vocational training, hiring more male elementary teachers, and steering men into female-dominated fields like nursing and social work. As someone who has led public charter schools in the Bronx for 15 years, I see value in these steps.
Yet, these steps are nibbles around the edges of a larger problem. They overlook a deeper issue I’ve witnessed firsthand: the erosion of husbandhood — the role of being a committed, married partner and present father. This neglect ripples outward, intensifying the crises in boyhood, manhood and fatherhood. Male teachers can offer positive role models, but far greater impact comes from fostering healthy married fathers dedicated to their wives and actively engaged in their own children’s lives.
For nearly two decades, the percentage of all births to unmarried women was roughly 40% — over 1.44 million children born in 2023 alone. Among women 24 and under, the nonmarital birth share exceeds a staggering 70% and climbs higher in some groups.
Children raised by young single mothers face elevated risks: higher poverty rates, more adverse childhood experiences, reduced upward mobility and weaker educational outcomes. Their mothers often endure greater economic instability, domestic violence, multiple-partner fertility and psychological distress. These early disadvantages compound, making it far harder for young men — and women — to thrive as adults.
There is a better path.
Protective forces such as work, family, faith and community connections anchor men effectively. Most men who embrace these institutions report higher satisfaction in health, vocation, family life and purpose.
Over 30 years working with children from every background, I’ve seen that family stands out as especially powerful. Young people who break cycles of disadvantage understand that the family they are on the pathway to form often matters more than the one they came from. They learn that life decisions — especially around family formation — carry profound rewards or consequences. If today’s youth lack a clear life script, adults must provide one.
In our high school, we teach the evidence-based “success sequence”: finish at least high school, secure full-time work, and — if having children — marry first. At least seven states have introduced or passed legislation requiring schools to teach this sequence. Among millennials who followed it, 97% avoided poverty, and the vast majority reached the middle class or higher. The sequence does not guarantee success, but it dramatically improves the odds of upward mobility in one generation.
Husbandhood anchors the family step in this sequence. It models for boys what manhood looks like in practice: commitment, responsibility and love expressed through stable partnership.
Reviving this ideal does not require returning to the past. It requires honesty about what works. Societies that normalize marriage before childbearing, alongside education and work, give children stronger starts and young adults clearer paths to purpose.
Let us elevate husbandhood as a cultural priority. Teach boys that being good husbands and fathers is not outdated but aspirational. Replace the torn script with one that binds generations through responsibility and love.
My parents were married for 48 years when my father passed away, a gift of stability and love my wife and I now want to pass on to our own children. When young men see husbandhood as a worthy destination — romantic yet grounded, challenging yet rewarding — they gain direction. Families are strengthened. Children flourish. And the anchors that keep men from drifting become visible once more.
This story appears in the June 2026 issue of Deseret Magazine. Learn more about how to subscribe.