If the recent Utah sports scuttlebutt is to be believed, Arizona’s National Hockey League team, the Arizona Coyotes, are relocating to Salt Lake City.

According to a Deseret News report, the NHL’s executive committee has approved a plan to relocate the team. If the NHL’s Board of Governors approves the plan, Ryan and Ashley Smith — owners of the Utah Jazz and Real Salt Lake — will be cleared to add the Arizona franchise to their collection of pro sports teams.

More news on the relocation is expected before the end of the week.

Meanwhile, the Phoenix Suns’ assistant coach Kevin Young is coming to Utah to coach the Brigham Young University men’s basketball team. BYU director of athletics Tom Holmoe made the official announcement Tuesday.

This is all great news for Utah sports fans. But probably not such great news for Arizona sports fans.

I feel a little bad about that. And I’m wondering if maybe we should send the state of Arizona a gift or two as an apology gift/thank you. Like France sending America the Statue of Liberty as a token of friendship.

The last thing we as a people need right now is a beef with Arizona so I think we should nip this in the bud and make a grand gesture. Send them something so unique and remarkable that they’ll forget and or forgive us for pilfering their coaches and teams.

Here are my ideas.

Send some of our snow

I’ve been to Phoenix in July and let me tell you, that place is toasty. And not in a “at least it’s a dry heat” kind of way. More like a “this must be what it feels like to stand directly on the surface of the sun” kind of way. Arizona needs better ways to cool down.

Up one state north, we’re finally getting not-dire news about the Great Salt Lake and our snow-pack levels are above average. We can spare a bit of powder, I think.

So let’s ship them a few tons. Just so they all have enough to cool down when those summer temperatures become unbearable.

If you’re SLM RPR, I have your license plate

Give them the aquarium claw

Am I convinced, despite extensive research, that the 16-story structure outside the Loveland Living Planet Aquarium is a dormant alien vessel protecting millions of an invasive extraterrestrial creature’s eggs waiting for the right time to unleash the spawn on the human race and threaten our existence?


Would I miss the claw-like spectacle that adorns the west side of our state’s most prominent freeway if it one day disappeared? Would I long for its return?


But it would be selfish to keep such a treasure all to ourselves forever. And those eggs probably aren’t going to hatch for another millennia or so. I’m sure Arizona would be honored and thankful to display the claw in downtown Phoenix.

Share our culinary specialities

The obvious choices here are a vat of fry sauce and a crate of Diet Coke with some cream and limes so bereft Arizona residents can make dirty sodas. Maybe toss in a few boxes of green Jell-O packets.

But if we want to truly express our remorse/gratitude, we need to stop gatekeeping our finer foods.

Give the Arizona authorities the recipe for funeral potatoes and specify the superiority of grated potatoes over sliced. Open a Crown Burger franchise in Gilbert or Tucson so all may experience the euphoria of a pastrami burger. Make them a proper Hawaiian haystack with the crunchy chow mein noodles, peas and mandarin oranges. Tell them about our scones that aren’t really scones but huge pieces of fried dough served with honey butter.

What’s a professional sports team or an excellent assistant coach compared to a piping hot scone dripping with honey and butter?

That’s a fair trade.

A Stanley cup for a Stanley Cup

What if we sent every Arizonan a Stanley cup? A Stanley cup as in the beverage container that has swept the nation, thanks to the efforts of Utah influencers. I think sending every citizen one would be a nice way to say “thanks for giving us the potential to win the Stanley Cup.”

Too soon?