I am sitting next to a woman who voted for the other candidate. How do I respond to her?

I did everything I could to persuade others to look at the character of each presidential candidate. I studied many articles, joined an advocacy group encouraging ethical government, co-created a website promoting democratic principles and civility and wrote an essay and opinion pieces. The voters chose a different candidate.

After greetings, she says, “I think we are in for trouble ahead.”

“What do you mean?” I ask cautiously.

Her reply surprised me: “I had a very difficult time making a decision on who to vote for president. I did not like either candidate. It was so hard to know what to do.”

Her concerns opened up a new perspective I hadn’t considered: Maybe the decision for president was not as clear-cut for many as it was for me. Other people struggled to come to a decision, as shown by neither candidate getting more than 50% of the popular vote. Perhaps there is not as wide a gulf between us as I had thought. This insight takes away much of my resentment toward those who voted differently.

How do I move forward with this better understanding?

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Yuval Levin, in his book "American Covenant," reminds us that we have forgotten that “creating common ground is a key purpose of the Constitution and that it should be a key purpose of our political and civic action.” We need to build unity, but “we have forgotten the practical meaning of unity: in the political life of a free society, unity does not mean thinking alike; unity means acting together.”

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Unity means acting together even though we may have different ways to solve a problem.

To build this kind of unity, I need to develop some skills. First, I need to see people with whom I have a different opinion as deserving of respect. Second, I need to listen deeply to understand their points of view and concerns. Third, I need to begin to identify common ground between us.

After I do these three things, I am ready to begin to collaborate, negotiate and do the hard work to act together for the good of all American people, not just to realize my own party’s goals. In contrast, contempt for and condemnation of different points of view will not create this kind of unity of action.

So now I am more willing to build bridges to find common ground. To be sure, strong differences of opinion still exist. I continue working to find common ground with a relative who disagrees with me on many political issues. It is a process. But I see a little more clearly now that we are more united in preserving democracy than I thought. Because of that, I can start the work of building bridges of understanding that will help us move toward a unity of action as Americans who love democracy and our freedoms.

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