When was the last time you witnessed a grown man be called “boy?” It’s probably been a minute (and I bet it didn’t go over well). But women of all ages are routinely called “girls.” Many people don’t think this is a big deal, and some women even call themselves and others “girls.” But words matter; they can empower and lift, or they can diminish and lessen. The language we use shapes our perceptions of girls and women, and reducing all women to girls has a negative impact.
In the past several years, there have been a number of articles written about this issue, including one I wrote for Forbes. Others include one in The Washington Post titled “I’m a Manager, But To My Boss and Colleagues, I’m a ‘Girl“ and another in ABC News titled “7 Words You Should Avoid Using About Women in the Workplace.” Experts in these pieces explained how calling a woman “girl” relates to treating someone like a child or making them feel somehow less mature than others. These experts also state that using “girl” reinforces societal norms that infantilize women, which diminishes their worth and authority in both personal and professional settings.
By definition, “girl” refers to a female child or a young or relatively young woman, while “woman” refers to an adult female. So, when women are called or referred to as girls, the subtle message — whether intentional or not — is that they are not responsible, professional or mature. In fact, one study found that women referred to as “girls” felt less confident, viewed themselves as having fewer leadership qualities and believed others saw them as less prepared for leadership roles. Another study found language that reinforces traditional gendered styles, roles, behaviors and perceptions has been shown to disadvantage women in the workforce.
People often pair the terms “guys and girls” together. However, the better way to pair terms would include “guys and gals,” “men and women,” “ladies and gentlemen,” and of course “boys and girls.” For this last one, I suggest that when there is a situation where males are referred to as boys, then it may also be fine to call females girls.
Other writers suggest just using non-gendered terms like everyone, people, folks, friends, co-workers, employees, guests, teens and children. Although I’m trying to use these words more in more settings, since gender is such an essential characteristic of one’s identity, I personally like to use the gender-specific titles when I’m working with girls and women. For too long, male-specific terms like men, mankind and chairman were supposedly gender neutral and women were subsumed in them. That doesn’t work today. When I am with women, I want to address them as such.
To illustrate what I’m referring to, here are six stories I’ve been told by women in Utah on the use of “girl” for grown women that may help you see the challenge more clearly:
- The only woman partner in a law firm stated that in partner meetings, the women paralegals and administrative assistants are referred to as “girls in the office.” She said it made these great employees sound less valued.
- A woman executive told me this story: “I was in a top leadership meeting, where I shared an accomplishment. One of my peers responded, ‘Our little girl is growing up.’”
- A female manager said that she followed the advice that a male peer had given her, and he called her “good girl.” It made her feel small.
- A woman politician shared this story: “I had pushed my light to speak during committee and was sitting next to another female legislator and the chair said, ‘I can’t tell which of you girls pushed your light over there.’”
- A woman physician in Utah told me she was in a professional meeting with a few dozen peers and, when creating small groups for a discussion, the facilitator said, “Let’s have each group have a mix of men and girls.”
- In a meeting with 15-20 legislators, the senior male senator who was conducting had four attendees ask to speak. He said, “Let’s have the two senators speak first” (referring to two male legislators on one side) “and then the girls” (pointing to the two women legislators on the opposite side).
Words carry weight. Their effects ripple outward, influencing self-perceptions, relationships and even careers. Shifting our language habits requires intentionality. We can all do better by educating ourselves and others on how we can strengthen family relationships, improve workplace practices and foster greater community wellbeing through our words. We can also reflect on our own habits and put effort toward assessing our own language. Paying attention to the words we use in our everyday conversations can help us empower and lift others. At this time in history, don’t we need more of this? Words matter.