When your child calls to say, “We’re getting married,” pride and hope come first … followed closely by the natural questions:
“Is this the right person for them?”
“What if they’re moving too fast?”
“How can I make sure they get started off on the right foot?”
As a parent of adult children, it can be tough to strike the balance between offering support and allowing them to choose their own path in life. This is especially true when it comes to your kids’ romantic relationships.
You’ve been there! You know love takes work, and that they are going to face challenges — even if the person they’ve chosen is just right for them. And sometimes it’s painful to watch mistakes that you’ve genuinely tried to help them avoid playing out in real time.
So, how can you be there and continue to help them without smothering them or overstepping boundaries?
Here are a few suggestions.
Tend to your own garden
Strong marriages aren’t like shade trees that grow on their own. They’re more like roses — beautiful, but requiring care, pruning and attention.
Children (even adult ones) learn from their parents primarily through example. So, if you want your kids to have a stronger relationship, look inward and see how you can care for your own!
This is National Marriage Week in the U.S. — an initiative originally started in the U.K. to promote the benefits of marriage to society, and adopted in the States in 2002. Valentine’s Day (the final day of Marriage Week) is a great time to evaluate together with your partner and explore ways to reinvest in your marriage. Instead of the tried-and-true (but maybe a little trite) flowers and chocolates, how about dinner at your favorite restaurant plus a “state of the union” check-in, as recommended by The Gottman Institute, as a weekly practice?
Or do both! Chocolate is always a good idea. Regularly having fun, expressing appreciation, and checking in with each other’s needs can help your love stay strong and deep, and can show your kids what a healthy relationship looks like in action.
If a couple of decades of intensive parenting has your relationship feeling a little stale and stuck right now, you’re not alone. Many empty nesters feel disconnected in their relationship after focusing so much time and energy on raising their children.
This can be a good opportunity to recommit to giving your marriage the attention it deserves. Consider taking an online course like RekindleREADY, or seeking out some professional support from a counselor or therapist. You might also explore creative ways to begin anew and make fresh commitments to each other.
With some intentional effort, you’ll likely find that this new phase of your relationship can be even more fun and meaningful than it was pre-kids.
Healthy relationships are built on healthy individuals. If you’re single, focus on reaffirming your worth and giving yourself some love this Valentine’s Day! Your kids will learn from your example of how you treat yourself regardless of your relationship status.
Suggest educational tools to help
There’s something more you can do to help your adult children in a nonintrusive way: Remember that healthy relationships don’t happen accidentally. They require intentional effort and skills.
Most parents know this — but knowing that relationships take work doesn’t always mean knowing how to help your kids learn those skills. Offering advice can feel risky, especially once your children are adults. Even well-intended guidance can sometimes be heard as criticism or interference.
The good news is that supporting your child’s relationship doesn’t require long lectures or awkward conversations. Sometimes the most respectful — and effective — way to help is simply to point them toward solid, trustworthy tools they can explore on their own.
Many Utah parents don’t realize that the state offers free, research-based relationship education specifically designed for these moments. Through the Utah Marriage Commission’s website, StrongerMarriage.org, couples at every stage — from dating to early marriage to parenthood and beyond — can access practical, research-based tools to strengthen their relationships.
For young adults who are dating (and often struggling with their basic dating skills), online courses such as DatingREADY can help them build confidence, communicate more clearly, and understand what healthy relationships actually look like in practice.
Engaged couples can benefit from premarital education like MarriageREADY (available in Spanish soon) or RemarriageREADY that helps them talk through expectations, finances, communication patterns, and long-term goals — before small issues become big ones.
And for couples already navigating early marriage or new parenthood, short, focused lessons can help them manage stress, stay connected and adapt to life transitions, big and small.
For parents, sharing a resource like this can feel easier — and more respectful — than offering advice. It sends a clear message: I care about your future, and I trust you to choose what’s helpful.
This Valentine’s Day, celebrate the love story you’ve built over the years. Reflect on the work, growth, and commitment that made it possible, and keep investing in your future together.
And as you do, consider how you might support the next love story unfolding in your family — not by directing it, but by equipping it with solid resources that support stronger relationships.
Because one of the most lasting gifts parents can give isn’t advice …
It’s preparation.