Tech giant Meta recently resolved claims that it had designed social media platforms to addict children by agreeing to pay up to $18 billion and limit how teenagers use Facebook and Instagram. And now we have learned through court records that TikTok staff raised similar alarms. These are important stories, but miss a key aspect of how social media is negatively impacting adults, too — as well as our country.
While there are often positive experiences (like catching up with family and seeing photos of friends on vacation), social media can create undue stress and generate fear and anger. Social media algorithms are designed to be addictive and are negatively impacting personal health and well-being while straining family relationships.
Conflict entrepreneurs, including foreign governments, exploit social media to divide us for profit, attention and power. Hatred and contempt for others are widely promoted, and the tech giants benefit because emotional reactions keep people online longer so they see more ads and the companies make more money. Social media fosters reactions and quick decisions as we “like” posts, repost or sometimes make derogatory comments that would be less likely expressed in person. Like it or not, we are all being manipulated!
Overcoming contempt
But unhealthy behavior and political contempt are not inevitable. We can choose a path of hope instead of dehumanizing others, while also teaching our children healthier behaviors. As volunteer leaders with the national organization Braver Angels, we know that when Americans from different sides really listen to each other, they often find much more in common than they previously believed.
Doug, a Republican, is a former New Hampshire state legislator who led the Peace Corps in Ukraine and helped end the Ebola epidemic in Guinea. Beth, a Vermonter, leans left and is a neurologist and science communicator focused on public health, sleep and climate change. We co-authored the award-winning book Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times.
Change and moral reawakening can start with us.
What can we do to overcome this challenge? We suggest taking time to reflect on your use of social media and how much you may be influenced by polarization. It’s natural to think of this problem as belonging to others, especially “those people” on the other side of the political divide. But it is helpful to consider our personal actions, too.
As a first step, make a list of your top three to five values. What is most important to you, and who do you want to be? Some of our top choices include courage, authenticity, connection, gratitude, respect, curiosity and kindness.
Second, picture the supporters of a politician you dislike. Write down five to eight words you might use to describe them. We sometimes hear words like stupid, evil, misinformed, uneducated and unpatriotic. Are any like these on your list?
Third, consider if you are fully living your values. Compare the two lists. If words like kindness and curiosity are on the first, review the second list and ask whether you apply your values consistently. You might even look in the mirror and ask, “Is this who I want to be?” When we dehumanize others, we become conflict entrepreneurs, too — or at least conflict enablers.
Fourth, make a plan. Disciplining ourselves to reduce time on social media is one obvious step. We encourage people to reach out to organizations such as Braver Angels, which has many invaluable workshops both in person and online. Each of our individual impacts may be small, but collective actions can be powerful. We can choose not to treat people who disagree with us as enemies when social media and conflict entrepreneurs push us down unhealthy rabbit holes.
Thoughtful Americans can embrace a better way, starting with ourselves and our interactions with family members, friends and people we encounter in daily life. This is not political surrender, but courageous citizenship!
What is in your heart and what you think about really do matter. Your influence touches people who in turn touch others. You have a lot more power than you might think. Yes, there are conflict entrepreneurs and tech giants who exploit division, but that only works if we let them. Change and moral reawakening can start with us.
For more background on our work, see the “Beyond the Politics of Contempt” book website and the free “Together Across Differences” Substack newsletter, including this sample post: When the world is on fire... Practical steps to diminish the flames on social media.