All of us, says Robert F. Bennett, have an innate desire, even need, to be in control.
In a perfect world, we'd all exercise control over our environment - jobs, family, etc. - although that raises the paradoxical problem of everyone a chief and no Indians to carry out our orders.With total control out of reach, then, we at least want to exercise control over ourselves. It's universal, says Bennett, even among those who see themselves as passive, non-assertive . . . totally laid back, as the jargon goes.
How important is control? Bennett contends that suicide is the ultimate, desperate attempt of a man or woman to take some control over their lives. They may feel they have lost all control over their lives, but they can at least make the determination on whether to live or die.
Studies undertaken in nursing homes, says Bennett, have shown that the health and longevity of patients increased 50 percent when they were allowed to place the furniture in their room where they wanted and had control over when they would eat their meals.
Even those faced with the ultimate lack of control - concentration camp prisoners - later revealed that their sanity was saved when they learned they still had one thing they could control: how they would mentally react to their harsh surroundings and brutal treatment.
"That knowledge, that they still had some personal control, even if it was only over their own minds, literally saved their lives," said Bennett, referring to the writings of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn and his experiences in the gulag and Victor Frankl in the Nazi death camps.
How important is control to Bob Bennett? Important enough that he has written a book to show the rest of us how we can get it. "Gaining Control: Your Key to Freedom and Success," has just been published in paperback by Pocket Books for national distribution following three years of private publication in hardback by the Franklin Institute Inc., of which Bennett is president and chief executive officer.
Franklin Institute is the time management company chiefly known for its product the Franklin Day Planner appointments book, but Bennett says Gaining Control is not about planning time, it's about taking charge of your life, your job or your business.
All of us, says Bennett, have four basic psychological needs that we must satisfy if we are to feel in control. They are:
WE WANT TO LIVE: How long? Forever, says Bennett. "No one wants to die. Our desire to live is so strong that we will do many things that we would otherwise not even consider if we feel our lives are in danger. Even when we feel relatively safe, the desire to live manifests itself in our search for a stable job, good health, or even sound investments. For the inexperienced traveler, anxiety arising from the desire to live can be calmed by something so mundane as a confirmed reservation on an airplane leaving from a strange airport. We want safety and comfort and security, all as manifestations of our basic desire to live."
WE WANT TO LOVE AND BE LOVED: "There are few scourges as devastating as loneliness, the sense of being abandoned with no one to love or to be loved by. We go to great lengths to win love. We join groups that don't really interest us because they give us a sense of belonging. We associate with people who do things that are not really in our best interest; we put up with actions that we don't really like; we make incredible sacrifices as husbands and wives and friends, all because of our desire for love, both given and received."
WE WANT TO FEEL IMPORTANT (SELF-ESTEEM): "Hey, Daddy, look at me!" From the very beginning of our lives we want people to notice us and value us. If we cannot win their love, we certainly want to hold their respect. We beam with great enthusiasm when someone discovers one of our accomplishments. We wear fancy clothes that decorate us far more than is needed to keep us warm, drive cars bigger than we need for transportation, and live in houses more ostentatious than we need for shelter, all in an effort to say to the world, "Hey, look at me!"
WE WANT VARIETY: "No one wants to be bored. People climb mountains, take African safaris, try new hobbies, read new books, go to concerts, or take in ball games, just to break the routine. We want variety in our lives, and sometimes jeopardize (or at least minimize) the other three basic wants in an effort to achieve it. Life, Love, Self-esteem, and Variety - these are the things that show up in our needs circles. These are basic and they apply to everyone."
And because they do, Bennett and co-writers Kurt Hanks and Gerreld L. Pulsipher put them in their "Control Model."
The Control Model, says Bennett, is simply a way or track to getting results based on one of the four above needs. It follows a linear track from the NEED, through the PRINCIPLES (which may or may not be correct; Hitler had total faith in his principles, notes Bennett), through the RULES (If the principles are true then I need to . . ." through BEHAVIOR (the action taken based on the principals and rules) and finally the RESULTS. Finally, there is FEEDBACK, that is, did the results satisfy the NEEDS.
According to Bennett, all goals, all problems, just about anything can be fed through the Control Model. If the results don't meet the need, then it likely means you have plugged in an incorrect principle. Bear in mind, he cautions, that "principles" are not always easily recognized as incorrect nor are we willing to change them without a struggle.
Bennett says the Control Model works as well in business as in our personal lives. For life, love, self-esteem and variety as the four basic needs, substitute "SURVIVE, RESPECT, MARKET NICHE and INNOVATION.