The year in review, cinematically speaking, of course:
Best Use of Utah (visual): "Rubin and Ed." (Loved that water-skiing cat!)Best Use of Utah (verbal): "Honeymoon in Vegas." (Loved those "Flying Elvises.")
Best Square-Off Between Two Wacko Bad Guys: Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey, "Under Siege."
Best Supporting Performance By an Actress in a Bad Movie: Halle Berry as the good girl in Eddie Murphy's "Boomerang." Runner-Up: Joan Cusack as Robin Williams' sister in "Toys."
Best Supporting Performance By an Actor in a Bad Movie: David Paymer as Billy Crystal's brother in "Mr. Saturday Night." Runner-Up: Eric Thal as the student rabbi in "A Stranger Among Us."
Worst Performance by an Actress: Lorraine Bracco, "Medicine Man." Runner-Up: Lorraine Bracco, "Traces of Red."
Least Believable Performance By an Actress: Melanie Griffith, "A Stranger Among Us." Runner-Up: Melanie Griffith, "Shining Through."
Worst Performance By an Actor: Tom Selleck, "Christopher Columbus: The Discovery." Runner-Up: Tom Selleck, "Folks!"
Best Performance by a New Face: Isabel Glasser, "Pure Country."
Best Star Turn in What Otherwise Might Have Been a Mediocre Movie: Whoopi Goldberg, "Sister Act."
Biggest Starmaking Performance (in a bad movie): Sharon Stone's role as the ice-pick queen in "Basic Instinct."
Most Disparate Performances (causing moviegoers to wonder, "Where have I seen her before?"): Polly Walker, as the prissy socialite of "Enchanted April" and the nasty terrorist of "Patriot Games."
Best Conflicted Bad Guy: Gene Hackman, "Unforgiven."
Best Scene-Stealer in a Bad Movie: Paul Reubens (a.k.a. Pee-wee Herman) as a smart-aleck vampire in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
Best Director as Actor: Sydney Pollack, "Husbands and Wives."
Best Bald-Faced Performance in a Bad Movie: Sigourney Weaver, "Alien3."
Most Embarrassing Performance By an Actress: Kathy Bates, "At Play in the Fields of the Lord."
Most Embarrassing Performance by an Actor: Keanu Reeves, "Bram Stoker's Dracula."
Best Use of Louis Gossett Jr.: "Diggstown."
Worst Use of Louis Gossett Jr.: "Aces: Iron Eagle III."
Biggest Oscar Surprise: Jack Palance's one-handed push-ups. Runner-Up: The top five Oscar wins for "The Silence of the Lambs."
Best Reason to Keep TV Skits From Becoming Movies: "Wayne's World."
Best Reason to Keep TV Shows From Becoming Movies: "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me."
Best Reason to Bring Back Westerns: "Unforgiven."
Best Reason to Bring Back Musicals: "Newsies."
Worst Example of Art Imitating Life: Woody & Mia in "Husbands and Wives."
Best Remake: "Of Mice and Men." Runner-Up: "Last of the Mohicans."
Worst Remake: "Bram Stoker's Dracula." Runner-Up: "Night and the City."
Worst Remake as Sequel: "Home Alone2: Lost in New York."
Worst Veiled Remake: "The Mighty Ducks" ("The Bad News Bears" on ice). Runner-Up: "Far and Away" ("The Quiet Man" meets "Stagecoach").
Best Veiled Remake: "Leap of Faith" (a combination of "Elmer Gantry" and "The Rainmaker."). Runner-Up: "Forever Young" (which strongly resembles last year's "Late for Dinner").
Best "Die Hard" Remake On a Ship: "Under Siege."
Best "Die Hard" Remake On a Plane: "Passenger 57."
Most Maligned Historical Figure: Christopher Columbus - not once, but twice!
Best Argument for Independent Cinema (six-way tie): "Zebrahead," "Waterdance," "Deep Cover," "One False Move," "Night on Earth" and "Mississippi Masala."
Best Show-Biz Satire (three-way tie): "The Player," "Bob Roberts," "Mistress."
Best Eye-Popping Special Effects: "Death Becomes Her."
Worst Trend: Waynespeak, as in "Wayne's World," which popped again up in "Encino Man," "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Stay Tuned" and "3 Ninjas."
Best Trusted-Friend-From-Hell: The nanny (Rebecca De Mornay) in "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle."
Worst Trusted-Friend-From-Hell (three-way tie): The roommate (Jennifer Jason Leigh) in "Single White Female," the cop (Ray Liotta) in "Unlawful Entry" and the father (John Lithgow) in "Raising Cain."
Worst Example of Selling an Adult Film to Kids: "Batman Returns." Runner-Up: "Toys."
Cheesiest Science-Fiction Film of the Year: "Freejack."
Best Underrated Family Film: "Alan & Naomi."
Ugliest Bug Movie: "Naked Lunch."
Silliest Hitchcock Wannabe: "Final Analysis." Runner-Up: "Raising Cain."
Best Argument for Bringing Back "Rambo": "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot."
Best Irish Sleeper: "Hear My Song." Runner-Up: "The Playboys."
Worst Animated Feature (five-way tie): "Cool World," "Rock-A-Doodle," "Bebe's Kids," "Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland," "Freddie as F.R.O.7."
Worst Vampire Film (three-way tie): "Innocent Blood," "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Bram Stoker's Dracula."
Best Punch Line: The climax of "The Player."
Worst Stephen King Movie (three-way tie): "Lawnmower Man," "Sleepwalkers," "Pet Sematary II."
Worst Horror Film: "Dr. Giggles." Runner-Up: "Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth."
Sleaziest Cartoon: "Cool World." Runner-Up: "Freddie as F.R.O.7."
Best Cannibal Movie: "Delicatessen." Runner-Up: "Fried Green Tomatoes."