There never has been and never will be a reasonable correlation between the time it takes to prepare a dish and the time it takes to eat it.
This is never more evident than at Thanksgiving.While most of America sleeps, members of the Julia Child dawn patrol drag out of their beds, massage a naked bird, coax it into a roaster and shove it into an oven. It weighs more than they did at their weddings.
They chop everything that doesn't move and make the dressing and the relish plate. They drag the leaves for the dining room table out of the hall closet and wash the good dishes that haven't seen the light of day since the last holiday. They bring all the folding chairs out of hiding and lug in the vanity bench from the bedroom to fill in.
They set the yeast for the rolls and prepare the yams for the casserole, taking time off to find a hammer to soften the brown sugar.
They take the pies out of the freezer, which were baked yesterday while the oven was free, and take time to run to the 7-Eleven for the whipped cream they forgot.
They thaw the frozen succotash and make the cranberry salad. They search for an hour and a half for the butter dish and knife, which they rarely use, and throw together a vein-clogging dip - just enough to take the edge off all the appetites.
As they are peeling the potatoes and pouring enough liquid off the turkey for gravy, husbands say, "If we aren't eating until 4, aren't we going to have a bite of lunch?"
They throw a few cold cuts on a plate and a bag of potato chips on the table. They feast.
They are stirring the gravy in between filling the water glasses and arranging the salad on lettuce leaves. The turkey platter is on the Siberia shelf of the cupboard and they drag in a ladder to get at it.
Dinner is served, right on schedule at 4 p.m.
While the family chatters and finds their places, husbands run to find the camera and send the kids to the 7-Eleven for batteries.
As the steam settles on the hot dishes and the cold ones turn limp, everyone is ready to eat.
They push away from the table in 12 minutes.