Channel-hopping and never stopping . . .
DEATH BY CANCELLATION: The way Fox Broadcasting handled its fine midseason ensemble drama series "Class of '96" before unceremoniously dumping it Tuesday is symptomatic of the way network television tends to botch things in the fickle '90s.Fox knew it had something special with "Class," so much so that it held it back several months for just the right opportunity. That opportunity turned out to be at 8 p.m. Tuesdays, beginning in January.
Everyone, including Fox, seemed to sense that this was the wrong time period. It was opposite ABC's popular "Full House," which the kids were watching. And "Class of 96's" mature college theme seemed to cry out for a 9 p.m. slotting rather than 8.
So what does Fox do? It leaves "Class of '96" there and stands by indifferently as the show withers and dies, never bothering to move it for so much as a single week.
Forget exhausting all possibilities. In the case of "Class of '96," Fox didn't exhaust even one possibility.
This is not the best way to nurture your quality shows. Yet it looks as if Fox will have to learn that lesson the hard way.
NETWORK TV'S GAFFES, PART 2: CBS renewed its underperforming comedies "Hearts Afire" and "Love & War" strictly because of the sweetheart deals the network has with producers Linda Bloodworth-Thomason ("Hearts") and Diane English ("Love").
I have a dream that one day soon, shows will be given the green light based strictly on merit and not on commitment. But it's only a dream.
MARRIED . . . WITH LONGEVITY: Now that "Cheers" has gone on to the great beyond and "Designing Women" is history, the longest-running situation comedy returning to network television next fall will be none other than Fox's "Married . . . With Children."
The show will be heading into its seventh full season, or eighth if you count "Married's" initial short spring run after it premiered on April 5, 1987.
Who ever would have thought that Fox would have the longest-running anything?
GOING WACKO FOR WACO: Everyone grumbles when the networks exploit a tragedy by rushing a TV docudrama to the screen within months - or even weeks - of the event. But then, just as predictably, everyone watches it.
Is it any wonder that the practice is on the rise?
All three Amy Fisher flicks hit ratings paydirt, and now Sunday's "In the Line of Duty: Ambush in Waco" TV movie on NBC about the Branch Davidians' clash with federal agents pummeled the competition.
"Ambush in Waco" earned a heady 30 percent share of the viewing audience to easily outdistance some big-time competition from the CBS miniseries "Love, Honor & Obey" (20 percent) and "Judith Krantz's Torch Song" on ABC (15 percent).
We have met the enemy, and it is us.
YAK YAK YAK: The warped genius of John Kricfalusi - the ousted creator and guiding force behind Nickelodeon's surreal cartoon series "The Ren & Stimpy Show" - was on glorious display Sunday in the show's season finale.
It was, sadly, Kricfalusi's last contribution to the show. But he went out on a high note with a typically bent edition called "The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen" that found Ren (the scrawny Chihuahua) and Stimpy (the bloated cat) as members of an elite Canadian fighting force.
A feature film starring Ren & Stimpy also is said to be in the works as part of a recent deal struck between Nickelodeon and 20th Century Fox. Nine minutes of this concept may well be enough to send us all over the edge.
GREASING PALMS: Here's one for people who enjoy wasting money.
In the unlikely event that you forgot to tape the pretentious ABC "event" series "Wild Palms" earlier this month, ABC Video is releasing it Aug. 18 as a two-video set priced at a mere $99.98
Is it really worth $100 to watch something sans commercials?
If your answer is yes, that should be should be a clear sign that you've got entirely too much disposable income.