A commonplace thing happened to a girl named Stacy Vess when she was a high school freshman in Glouster, Ohio. She became pregnant. She was 15 and unmarried.
I use the word "commonplace" because teenagers in America become mothers 1,340 times a day - a half million times a year.I came across Stacy's story in a photo essay done by a photographer named Tahra Makinson-Sanders, who now works for the Bergen Record in New Jersey. I'll mention in a moment what Stacy had to say about her life, but first, the reason I'm bringing her up:
Recently Rhode Island's director of human services, Christine Ferguson, got criticized for telling some difficult truths to a welfare rights group.
Those who cannot afford to care for children, she said, should take responsibility for not having them.
She was booed by the audience of 500.
At least one single mother there took particular offense at her for telling teenagers that if they make babies out of wedlock, they risk giving up their lives before they've started.
Which brings me back to Stacy Vess of Ohio. Her own view on whether teenage motherhood means giving up your life?
"Being a mom at 15 is hard," she said. "I have to make bottles all the time. I have to change her clothes four or five times a day. Me and my friends aren't close anymore."
Though teen pregnancy numbers have declined the past two years, America's rate is twice Britain's, six times that of Italy and France.
Part of me sympathizes with Ferguson's critics. I might be defensive, too, if I were a single parent who had children out of wedlock and was struggling to do my best.
But what about all the 15-year-olds out there at risk for stumbling into pregnancy? We need more people to warn those kids of consequences. So if any are reading this, let them listen a little more to the life of Vess, who has been there.
Before pregnancy: "You would never catch me at home," Stacy said. "I would be hanging out with my friends or boyfriend, Chad."
Now, while her friends linger after school to make plans for the evening, Stacy must rush home to take over for her own mother, who cares for the baby by day. Stacy spends the rest of the afternoon and night on duty with her daughter. If the baby is settled, Stacy gets to sit on the couch and watch TV. When friends come by to ask if she wants to go with them somewhere, like a school football game, she has to decline.
Stacy also mentions her stretch marks and says she looks older than her age.
And about her boyfriend, Chad: He's the father, but since the baby, things have changed. "I have to twist his arm to get him to come over," says Stacy - even though he lives across the street from her. "He always promises that he will come over and help, but if he does, he stays for five minutes and then goes to hang out with his friends."
Back to Ferguson's speech. One other specific objection to it jumped out at me. She was chided for preaching.
"What she said about the teenage mothers was very moralistic," said one attendee. "It is not addressing the issue."
No doubt teen pregnancy is indeed a complex issue, and moralizing alone won't solve it. But I can't help but think that the lack of moralizing is one reason out-of-wedlock numbers are so high.
Moral preaching has gone out of fashion, in part because people my age rebelled against it as 1950s doctrine.
Now, however, it's common for liberals as well as conservatives to note that the downplaying of shame has had lamentable results. In 1940, about 4 percent of births were out-of-wedlock. By 1993, that had multiplied almost eight times, to 30 percent. Less shame, and public moralizing, is almost certainly one reason for fewer two-parent families.
It is costing all of us: The Center for Population Options says taxpayers pay $21 billion a year to take care of teen mothers and their children.
And that brings up another cost. Seventy-two percent of teen mothers, says Child Trends, are unmarried. Children who grow up without fathers have much higher rates of dropping out, taking drugs, getting involved in crime, and perhaps most disturbing, making babies out of wedlock themselves.
Which means the cycle will continue.
Until we start listening, instead of booing, those who speak difficult truths.