Eighteen months after her marriage, "out of nowhere," Charlotte Fedders' husband hit her hard on the left side of her head.
"I remember the ringing as my eardrum was shattered," she said.For 17 years, even while John Fedders was climbing up a prestigious career ladder - he eventually became Securities and Exchange Commission enforcement director in the Reagan administration - Charlotte Fedders concealed the abusive relationship.
But in the mid-1980s she finally revealed it, precipitating her husband's resignation and their divorce.
"At that point in my life I had no regard for myself, but I had a shred of sanity left," she said, describing how she realized that her five boys would likely grow up to be abusers themselves unless she did something.
Fedders told her story to 116 gowned and tuxedoed people at The Country Club Saturday night, each of whom had paid $1,000 as a fund-raiser for Salt Lake's YWCA battered women's and children's shelter.
Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, hosted the dinner.
"Domestic violence cannot and must not be accepted in our homes," he said. "The family should be a safe harbor for children and all those tossed about by the storms of life, not a place of abuse or degradation."
Hatch cited statistics showing that 50 percent of all women will be victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives. About 65 percent of children growing up in those homes perpetuate the violent cycle into the next generation.
Fedders said her greatest accomplishment was helping her sons change from nascent abusers to "very gentle men" in the 13 years since she and her husband separated. She urged all women in like situations to get out.
"I am here to tell you . . . that if I can do it, anyone can do it," she said.
Fedders' spouse was a very handsome and charming man, typical of a battering husband, Fedders said, and she became very dependent on him early in their relationship. She was afraid to leave, she downplayed the violence, she made excuses, she didn't want to be alone.
But when she finally took a stand, something happened she never thought would happen.
"By myself I have become happy," she said.
Fedders is now a spokeswoman for domestic-violence victims, speaking on national radio and television, testifying before Congress, and co-authoring the book "Shattered Dreams" which was later made into a TV movie.
More than 1,400 women and children took advantage of the YWCA shelter last year.