"A Simple Wish" is a simple-minded special-effects comedy for kids, highlighted — if that's the word — by a man vomiting live frogs. They're computer-animated frogs, of course.
Get it? The guy has a frog in his throat!
The film is also laced with silly slapstick and burdened with an irritating central performance by Martin Short. In fact, Short's character is simply an imitation of Jerry Lewis — specifically, Lewis' bumbling "Nutty Professor" character.
That's OK on a talk show — in fact, it's pretty funny. But in the context of a movie, Short needs to develop a character that is endearing for 90 minutes, not a caricature that you wish would go away.
In fact, he's so wild-eyed and zany, one wonders if he was given any direction or just allowed to go nuts. Sorry, Mr. Short — Robin Williams you ain't.
The opening sequence sets the tone, as Short is shown taking the final exam in a schoolroom full of potential fairy godmothers. All of the other contenders are gentle, smiling, gray-haired grandmotherly types. Short naturally stands out with his frizzy red hair, buck teeth, roving eyes and annoying manner . . . oh, and the fact that he's male.
Taking the test, he glances at other's papers, gets into tiffs with his neighbors and eventually falls under his desk. Slapstick? Yes. Comedy? Well . . . .
The story has Short offering to grant one wish to young Mara Wilson ("Matilda," "Miracle on 34th Street"), who wants to help the Broadway singing career of her father (Robert Pastorelli, with his singing voice provided by Peter Samuels). At the moment, he's driving a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park.
But Short can't get his magic wand to work properly. When he tries to turn a Nebraska killer into a tiny rabbit, he instead becomes a giant rabbi. And when he tries to put a spell on Pastorelli, he accidentally turns him into a statue (his horse becomes a mouse and his carriage turns into a pumpkin).
Meanwhile, a fairy godmother convention is going on in Manhattan, and a former member of the group, now an evil witch (Kathleen Turner), steals all the magic wands that have been left at the door. But the wand she really wants is in Short's possession.
So, it becomes a duel of wits — and all concerned are a bit shorthanded.
The emphasis here is on comic special effects, none particularly impressive. Director Michael Ritchie, whose up-and-down career includes big hits ("Fletch," "Smile," "The Bad News Bears," "The Candidate") and big flops ("The Island," "The Couch Trip," "The Survivors," "Cops and Robbersons") has a heavy hand, where a light touch would be more advisable.
The underuse/misuse of supporting players Ruby Dee (as the leader of the fairy godmothers, who is literally "flattened"), Teri Garr (as Dee's overeating secretary) and Amanda Plummer (as Turner's faithful dog-turned-human) is an incredible waste of talent. Turner, however, has perhaps come to deserve what she gets. If her performance were better, she might have given the picture a boost, but like most of her recent work, it's hammy and hamfisted. (Is it my imagination, or is she starting to look like Cathy Moriarty?)
Only Mara Wilson comes out of this one unscathed. The pint-size talent is natural and adorable, and certainly deserves better.
On paper, "A Simple Wish" must have looked pretty good — a hip spoof of fairy tales, ranging from "Cinderella" to "The Wizard of Oz," along with a parody of Andrew Lloyd Webber flamboyant, self-reverential Broadway musicals, a faux adaptation of Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities."
But the result is embarrassing.
The film is rated PG for comic violence, a couple of mild profanities and some vulgar gags.