The Big Three networks, which have had little success finding new hits this season, are about to try, try again - in a big way. ABC, CBS and NBC have announced debut dates for no fewer than nine new series that will join their schedules in the wake of the Winter Olympics.
(No one in their right mind would debut a new series during the Winter Olympics, of course. That would be like sending a single raw recruit out to do battle with a highly trained armored division.)In light of the wave of insipid shows that have been inflicted on viewers this season, this could be good news for TV watchers. It could be . . . but, for the most part, it's not. The majority of these nine shows are weak or worse.
And the rather unfortunate trend of trying to clone the success of "Friends" - which seemed to have abated for a time - is back in full force. Three of the nine new shows are varying degrees of "Friends" ripoffs. And Fox has two more that it hasn't scheduled yet.
This in spite of the fact that not a single "Friends" clone has turned out to be a hit in the three years the networks have all been trying.
On the other hand, Tom Sel-leck's new sitcom for CBS, "The Closer," shows some promise. And NBC's offbeat "Lateline" has some quirky charm.
Here's what to expect when:
ABC
Something So Right (Tuesdays at 7:30 p.m. beginning March 3) is actually not a new show - it's the show that NBC canceled last season and then tried to get back, but ABC had already picked it up. Jere Burns and Mel Harris star as two people with five marriages between them trying to make a go of their blended family.
It's going to be basically the same show as last year - ABC has even scheduled it in the same time slot that NBC aired it. We will, however, see more of the two ex-husbands and one ex-wife this season.
("Something" will actually air twice on March 3 - at 7:30 and 8:30 p.m. - before settling into its once-a-week schedule on March 10.)
These are the Days (Tuesdays at 8:30 p.m. beginning March 10) comes to us from some of the producers and writers of "Roseanne" and aims for the same blue-collar humor. But the show's star, Gerry Red Wilson, is the most annoying star to hit television since, well, Roseanne. Actually, this guy is worse - he seems to be doing a bad imitation of Jackie Gleason.
The premise of the show is that blue-collar Wilson and his TV wife are in constant conflict with his snooty sister-in-law, who moves into the house with her weird son. It's predictable and not funny.
Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (Wednesdays at 8:30 p.m. beginning March 11) does have one thing to distinguish it from the crowd - perhaps the worst title on television. The title is accurate, but then so is "Half as Many Friends Who Are One-Tenth as Funny."
This is a dull little sitcom about three twentysomethings - two guys and a girl - who are longtime friends. And they hang out at a pizza place. Got it?
Other changes: Among the shows making room for the new series is "Soul Man," which is going away indefinitely. (We're told will return sometime later this season. We'll see.) "Grace Under Fire" is going away and, barring some miracle, will not return. "Ellen" is headed for a six-week hiatus and will return on Wednesday, April 22.
CBS
The Closer (Mondays at 8 p.m. beginning Feb. 23) is Tom Selleck's first regular series role since "Magnum, P.I." He plays the title character in this sitcom - a legendary advertising executive whose motto is "Never let the client see you're human." In the pilot episode, he loses his job (because he beats the president of the United States in golf) and when another big firm doesn't want to hire both him and his staff, he opens his own firm on a shoe string.
The supporting cast, which includes Edward Asner and Penelope Ann Miller, is good and the show has possibilities. Even though the pilot is amusing rather than funny, it's extremely likable.
Four Corners (Tuesdays at 9 p.m. beginning March 3) is a prime-time soap from the creator of "Dallas" and "Knots Landing." Ann-Margaret stars as the widowed matriarch of a Southwest Anglo ranching family; Sonia Braga co-stars as the widowed matriarch of a neighboring Hispanic family. Both struggle with their brood of twenty-something offspring.
This show has not yet been made available for preview, but we do know that it has already undergone some major revamping - which is not necessarily a good sign.
("Four Corners" debuts as a two-hour movie on Tuesday, Feb. 24, at 8 p.m. before moving to its regular time slot a week later.)
Candid Camera (Fridays at 7:30 p.m. beginning Feb. 27) is another series that isn't exactly new - actually, it dates back 50 years on TV (and longer than that on radio as "Candid Microphone").
Peter Funt and Suzanne Sommers are the hosts for this weekly half-hour version of the TV classic.
Other changes: "George & Leo" will move to Mondays at 8:30 p.m. on Feb. 23. "Style & Subtances" is going on indefinite hiatus. "Dellaventura" has already been canceled. And "The Gregory Hines Show" will move to Fridays at 8 p.m. for two weeks (Feb. 27 and March 6) - its future is uncertain after that. As is the future of "Family Matters," the show it will replace for two weeks.
NBC
House Rules (Mondays at 7:30 p.m. beginning March 9) has more than a bit in common with ABC's "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place" - everything but the pizza place, as a matter of fact. It's about two guys (David Newsom of "Home-front" and Bradley White) and a girl (Maria Pitillo of "Partners") who are lifelong friends who share a house in Denver.
It's predictable and not funny.
For Your Love (Tuesdays at 7:30 p.m. beginning March 17) is the multiracial, married "Friends," brought to us by the producers behind "Living Single." It's about three couples - two black, one white; one married for three years, one newlyweds, one dating - who are friends and confidants.
Based on the clips that NBC has shown critics, this is nothing to get excited about.
Lateline (Tuesdays at 8:30 p.m. beginning March 17) is a comedic take-off on "Nightline" - an ensemble comedy set behind the scenes at a late-night network news show. The cast includes Jose Ferrer, Robert Foxworth, Megyn Price, Catherine Lloyd Burns and "Saturday Night Live" alum Al Franken, who is one of the show's creators, executive producers and writers.
Other Changes: Speculation that NBC has big plans for "Just Shoot Me" appears to be true - as of Feb. 26, the show is moving to Thursdays at 7:30 p.m. - between "Friends" and "Seinfeld." "Just" did exceptionally well in the time slot during a tryout last week - it retained 99 percent of the "Friends" audience, the best any series has ever done there.
(Here's a prediction for you - a semieducated guess: In the fall, "Friends" will take over the soon-to-depart "Seinfeld" time slot on Thursdays at 8 p.m. and "Just Shoot Me" will take over "Friends' " 7 p.m. time slot.)
On the other hand, NBC isn't doing "NewsRadio" any favors. That show is moving to Wednesdays at 7 p.m. on March 18 - "temporarily," according to the network.
Also, "Fired Up" is headed for indefinite hiatus. And "Seinfeld" will air a weekly rerun Wednesdays at 7:30 p.m. beginning March. 18 (in addition to its regular Thursday airing).