CHUCK & BUCK —* 1/2 — Michael White, Chris Weitz, Beth Colt, Lupe Ontiveros, Paul Weitz, Maya Rudolph; rated R (profanity, sex, vulgarity, nude artwork); exclusively at the Loews Cineplex Broadway Centre Cinemas.
When is Hollywood going to realize that stalking is not a funny subject for a movie and that stalkers themselves are certainly not endearing enough to make them the focus of a film?
Sure, a few films that have broached the subject have scored at the box office, most notably 1998's "There's Something About Mary" and 1991's "What About Bob?" While both films had their charms, they also made you feel uncomfortable about laughing at them — at least to a certain degree.
However, the undeservedly acclaimed indie "Chuck & Buck" goes them one better — or in this case, one worse — by taking itself so seriously. As a result, this unbelievably creepy comedy-drama is unable to effectively deliver its ambitious messages about embracing your childhood, as well as using that as a platform to finally reach adulthood.
In fact, it's the smugly winking, "aren't-we-being-clever?" quality that makes the film so irritating. That and the presence of screenwriter-turned-actor Michael White (who also wrote the screenplay), perhaps the most unappealing new star to debut this year.
He plays Buck O'Brien, an emotionally stunted 27-year-old who never really grew up. This perpetual adolescent still lives with his mother, doesn't hold a job and instead plays with his toys and listens to his beloved childhood records.
Buck gets a hard lesson in life, though, when his long-ailing mother dies and he's suddenly on his own. So he tries to turn to the only other person he's ever really cared about, his childhood friend Chuck Sitter (Chris Weitz, one of the makers of "American Pie").
The trouble is, Chuck (who's now going by the more adult first name of Charlie) has seemingly gone on to become a successful adult. He's a music-business executive and is engaged to the extremely patient and understanding Carlyn (Beth Colt).
When Charlie is invited to the funeral, he's happy to support his long-estranged friend, although he is a bit embarrassed by Buck's all-too-affectionate attentions. That turns to annoyance when Buck moves to California to get closer to him — even stalking him at his workplace.
And while Buck tries to come up with ways to express his feelings (including writing and producing an amateur play based on their relationship, called "Hank & Frank"), the clearly flustered Charlie tries to avoid him — and seems afraid he's going to disclose exactly what the two of them did when they were kids.
As unpleasantly offbeat as the material is already, it's the particularly lame resolution to the storyline that really rankles. That and White, whose crooked smile and constant lip-pursing might warrant a good smack upside the head.
If there's an upside to the film, it's that the digital photography isn't nearly as jarring as you'd think (there's no "Blair Witch Project" shaky-cam here).
And it's pretty well-directed by Miguel Arteta (1997's "Star Maps"), though few of the performances (that of veteran character actress Lupe Ontiveros excepted) are what you'd consider film quality.
"Chuck & Buck" is rated R for occasional strong profanity, simulated sex (both straight and same-sex), crude sexual humor, frank discussions of sexual topics and glimpses of nude artwork. Running time: 95 minutes.
E-mail: jeff@desnews.com