At the rate Yao Ming is progressing in his first NBA season with the Rockets, Charles Barkley will spend the winter with a bad case of chapped lips.
On the same night Barkley paid off a bet regarding Yao's play by kissing a donkey's behind, he — and, no doubt, a lot of other NBA players and fans — watched in amazement as Yao scored 30 points and had 16 rebounds in the Rockets' 103-90 loss to the Mavericks at Dallas' American Airlines Arena.
While Houston fans enjoyed Yao's performance Thursday night, Mavericks fans reveled in the team's 12th consecutive victory. The record for wins to start a season is 15, set by the 1948-49 Washington Capitols and tied by the Rockets in 1993-94, when they won their first of back-to-back NBA titles.
But for the national television audience, Yao's exploits this season — and Barkley's reaction to them — will be the memorable story of the night.
Two weeks ago, Barkley proclaimed on TNT's Inside the NBA show that if Yao managed to score 19 points in a game this season, he would kiss the posterior of fellow analyst Kenny Smith.
When Yao scored 20 last Sunday against the Lakers, payment came due. But Smith elected to bring in a stand-in for Barkley's moment of truth, which came during TNT's talk show Stand Up! prior to the Rockets-Mavericks game.
As Barkley, host Ernie Johnson Jr. and guest Jesse Ventura, the former wrestler who is wrapping up his term as governor of Minnesota, watched on the show's set in Atlanta, Smith set up Barkley for the payoff.
"Even when I win, I lose," Smith said. "Him kissing me anywhere is kinda flagrant, so I gotta think of something else.
"First I thought of this. What if I had a picture of me, and he kissed the picture? But I couldn't get a picture of my whole body, so that wasn't good either. So I said, you know what? I had a doll (a Starting Lineup action figure from his playing days), so he could kiss the Kenny Smith doll. But then I thought . . ."
At that point, Shorty, a male donkey Smith rented for $500 from the Yellow River Game Ranch in Lilburn, Ga., near Atlanta, walked onto the set behind his handler.
Barkley doubled over in laughter, then said, "Hey, man, you're trying to humiliate me."
But eventually, the Chuckster paid up.
"You know what? I'm a man of my word," Barkley said.
He got to his feet, froze briefly as if considering the absurdity of the moment, then planted a quick smacker on the donkey's hindquarters.
"One of the emotional moments in sports television history," TNT play-by-play announcer Marv Albert deadpanned during the network's broadcast of the Rockets-Mavericks game.
Barkley's comeuppance was no doubt sufficient entertainment for Rockets fans, but Yao had another surprise in store. He scored nine points in the first quarter, then added a dozen in the second for a game-high 21 at halftime.
Barkley attempted to save face during halftime, saying, "You know, I've always said I hope the kid plays well," as Smith and Johnson guffawed.
Former Knicks coach Jeff Van Gundy, in his first year as a TNT broadcaster, was infinitely more charitable toward Yao. The former coach leaped to his feet several times during the first half as Yao displayed his inside moves while connecting on seven of nine shots from the floor.
"I can see why everybody wanted this guy," Van Gundy said. "This is my first time to see this guy play live. This is some show he's putting on."
The Rockets trailed 49-46 at halftime, but the deeper, more experienced Mavericks pulled away in the second half to win by 13. Yao added nine second-half points, but the Mavericks exploited his inexperience on defense.
Steve Nash, the Mavericks' 6-3 guard, froze Yao in his tracks by driving into the lane, stopping in front of the free-throw line and dropping in a soft scoop shot over the Rockets center. Later in the period, Eduardo Najera, Dallas' 6-8 forward from Mexico, drove inside and dropped in a shot over Yao.
Even though the Rockets fell to 6-4, Yao has connected on 31 of his last 35 shots over the last five games. Through 10 games, he leads the NBA in field-goal percentage.
After the game, Barkley, as usual, had the last word.
"Kenny said that I said Yao Ming couldn't play, and that's inaccurate," he said. "You don't want the Chinese mad at you. They can fight. I thought he would be good. I just didn't think it would be this soon."
TRAIL BLAZERS 89, SUPERSONICS 85: At Seattle, Bonzi Wells scored 16 points, and Portland took the lead for good with a 14-1 third-quarter run.
Rasheed Wallace added 13 points to help the Blazers to their third straight victory after a 3-6 start. Gary Payton had 22 points and 14 assists for the Sonics, who fell a half-game behind first-place Sacramento in the Pacific Division.