Question: I am dating a guy who is older and more experienced than I am. I really feel that I am falling in love with him, and he told me he loves me, too. But when I told him that I didn't believe him, he began to cry. I didn't know what to say, so I just asked him why he was crying. He told me that he was crying because I didn't believe him and that he really does love me and doesn't know what to do to prove it. When I tried to talk to my mother about this, she told me that he was most likely lying to get into my pants. I am not ready for that, and he knows that. Do you think that it's possible for him to actually love me and not just be trying to sleep with me? — Missy, 15, Plantation, Fla.
Answer: I do have an opinion about the crying story you told me, and I get why your mother is questioning his motives. See, your comment wasn't so mean that it should make someone cry. But there are a lot of people who use crying as a way to manipulate others. Now, whether or not he's manipulating you for sex, I don't know. Who knows what his reasoning is? He could easily be emotionally needy and not just sexually needy. But what's not kosher is that he's making you feel like you did something wrong when you were simply discussing your relationship. By crying, he's basically silencing your concern and making the conversation go in the direction he wants it to. Believe it or not, that's another form of bullying, and that's what's probably rubbing your mom (and certainly me!) the wrong way about him. You have a right to feel what you feel and to question what you question — that's your instincts trying to protect you.
Don't let him (or anyone, for that matter) take that power away from you by crying and making you feel like you're the one who did something wrong. What to do now? I won't be unrealistic and tell you to dump him. But just keep your eyes open and stick to the principles you've always had (like not having sex). Make your decisions independently and don't let him talk you into something that you wouldn't have done before. I'm not saying he's a bad person — I just want you to protect yourself emotionally so you don't get hurt.
Question: I live with my dad, and I don't feel like I can talk to him about girl stuff. What do I do? — Kelsea, 14, West Covina, Calif.
Answer: Well, for starters, let's not write him off just yet. Have you tried talking to him about stuff? I only say that because you never know! I know guys that are amazing to talk to about girl stuff — but you'd just never think about it because, well . . . they're guys! But if you've tried, and it's just not happening, or you don't feel like he gets you when it comes to that type of thing, let's go to Plan B. You need to find someone who can be like a female role model in your life. It can be anyone from a teacher to an aunt to one of your friends' moms. (Your dad might even have some good suggestions for people for you.) You need someone who you really look up to and who you also know likes you a lot. And then just ask her if she'd mind if, every so often you called her to talk about stuff that you would've wanted to talk to your mom about. I think you'll discover that once you find the right person, you'll both be so happy to have connected with each other.
Questions may be sent directly to Atoosa Rubenstein at: askcosmogirl@cosmogirl.com © King Features