When it comes to "B" horror and science-fiction movies, dumb is expected — even encouraged.
Idiotic, on the other hand. . . .
Unfortunately, that's the only word that can be used to describe "Eight Legged Freaks," a would-be throwback to the giant killer-animal films of the '50s, '60s and, briefly, the '70s, but it's not nearly as clever or as scary as it thinks it is.
A healthy dose of scares or laughs might have saved this dud from its own worst instincts. Then again, so would a cast of characters the audience cares about — at least to the degree that we care whether they live or die.
Instead, the film features the likes of irritating David Arquette, who stars as Chris McCormick, the estranged son of mine owner in tiny Prosperity, Ariz. Chris has returned to Prosperity after the death of his father, who was a pillar in the community. He's intent on reviving the mine — and consequently, the town — as well as reviving his relationship with Prosperity's sheriff, Sam Parker (Kari Wuhrer).
Meanwhile, Sam's bookworm son, Mike (Scott Terra), has made a terrifying discovery — the inhabitants of a nearby spider "farm" have mutated, gaining both size and aggression after being fed insects tainted by toxic waste.
And though the arachnids — which include orbweavers, trapdoor spiders, jumping spiders and a massive tarantula — are content at first to prey on household pets, they soon gain a taste for humans, and it becomes a battle for survival.
Perhaps it's because we've come to expect better things from CGI effects, but the creatures here look ridiculously chintzy. (Even the dated method of rear-screen projection might have looked more convincing.)
Co-writer/director Ellory Elkayem can't seem to decide whether he wants to make a comedy or a sci-fi/horror film and fumbles away several opportunities. (Note to Elkayem: Watch the first "Tremors" movie before you try this again.)
He's also saddled with a bad cast — though the supporting players do garner a few guilty laughs, especially Rick Overton, who plays Sam's bumbling deputy.
"Eight Legged Freaks" is rated PG-13 for violence (gunplay and spider attacks), gore (mostly spider goo), crude humor and references (mostly sexually related), scattered use of profanity and brief sexual contact. Running time: 99 minutes.
E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com