There's Minnie Driver, greeting Ashton and Demi. And isn't that Johnny Depp getting out of the limousine, two cars down from Penelope Cruz? Could that be . . . coming down the red carpet . . . omigosh! . . . it is! It's SHARON STONE!
I think I'm going to faint.
No, this isn't the Oscar Night, it's the start of the 2003 college football season.
Let me explain. I'm a sports columnist, not an entertainment writer. I'm confined to writing about those who leave their handprints in the turf, not the Walk of Fame. Still, considering the schedule the state's Division I colleges have this year, it's a lot like a night at the Oscars.
Stars everywhere.
And just like Hollywood stars, some of the opposing teams aren't quite as box office as they once were. But you definitely know their names.
Southern Cal? Good old Tailback U. Notre Dame? One of the few places that can make a film ("Rudy") famous, not the other way around.
Texas A&M, Oregon, Nebraska, Arizona State — giants of the industry, one and all.
Coming to a small screen near you.
Alert the paparazzi
Although not every famous program will be playing a Utah team this season, it's an All-Star cast. Some were hot years ago, some never went out of style and some are the newest thing. One thing is certain: This year, the local teams are in fast company. Opponents for BYU, Utah and Utah State are a Who's Who list of college football. BYU plays Georgia Tech, Southern Cal, Stanford and Notre Dame, as well as nouveau rich Boise State and Colorado State. Utah meets Texas A&M, Colorado State and Oregon.
(Utah also plays California; what that means is anyone's guess.) Utah State meets Nebraska and Arizona State.
It is simply the most interesting combined schedule Utah's three Division I-A teams have ever played.
This isn't to say all the glitter has substance. Georgia Tech is coming off a 7-6 season and considered a middle-of-the-pack ACC team.
Don't tell the Cougars. Coach Gary Crowton is trying to convince them it's the return of the Spanish Armada. Stanford, hoping to erase a 2-9 season, is expected to finish near the bottom of the Pac-10 again. Still, John Elway played there. That alone is enough to scare some teams. Nebraska is just 7-8 in its last 15 games, including such embarrassing losses as 31-16 (Troy State), 40-7 (Penn State) and 49-13 (Kansas State).
Texas A&M and Oregon were only a combined 13-12 last year.
Nevertheless, they are ranked 21st and 23rd, respectively in Sports Illustrated's preseason edition. Boise State had its best season ever in 2002, finishing 12-1, including 11 wins in a row. Even with only three offensive starters returning, the Broncos should be more than a minor problem for the Cougars.
Others will be tough, any way you look at them. Notre Dame returned to glory last year, going 10-3; it is S.I.'s No. 17 pick. Colorado State (10-4) continues to be the class of the Mountain West Conference.
Southern Cal is rated top 10 in several preseason polls.
All this schmoozing with the titans is at least partially the work of MWC commissioner Craig Thompson. When the new league began in 1999, he put out a call to arms. As part of his ongoing plan to get the league into the Bowl Championship Series, he ordered his teams to upgrade their schedules. This served two purposes. First, it gave teams a chance to make noise against those from more prominent conferences. Second, it sparked fan interest. Who wouldn't rather see Utah playing Texas A&M than Idaho State?
BYU led the way 25 years ago, when it began scheduling legendary non-conference opponents. As recently as 2000 the Cougars played Syracuse, Virginia and Florida State. Utah and Utah State have played one or two big-name teams in a season, too, often because it was a big "payout" game. The money guarantee to play at Nebraska, for instance, is the equivalent of playing two or three conference games. But these days it's about more than just money. If Utah beats Oregon, or BYU beats Notre Dame, the BCS will take notice. The conference benefits and bowl invitations might increase.
Thus begins a new season, Thursday, with BYU hosting Georgia Tech in the first of the high profile games. Meanwhile, Utah hosts Utah State. It's a nice way to kick off a season. On the one hand, you have a tradition-steeped rivalry between instate schools. On the other hand, you have a growing intersectional rivalry.
Watching college football in the fall is a tradition.
But watching the stars?
That doesn't happen every year.
E-mail: rock@desnews.com