PARK CITY — An annual celluloid celebration — a film festival greatly anticipated by its devoted participants — is about to begin in the area.
That's right. The third LDS Film Festival is taking place in Provo next week. Sorry, Sundance. You're gonna have to share the stage.
Anyway, here's an independent A-to-Z look — with a "T" for truthful and tongue-in-cheek — at the festival that undoubtedly will not have any entries with green Jell-O jokes:
A-list actors: Get your autograph journals and stalking shoes ready. Among actors to appear on Sundance screens and perhaps Park City streets: Nicole Kidman, Matt Dillon, Ashton Kutcher (and Demi Moore, of course), Matthew McConaughey, Natalie Portman, Billy Bob Thornton and Elisapeti Kafonika Inia.
Britney Spears: Frenzied fans sighted her several times last year while she partied hearty. But alas, the poor, suffering soul just might be too heartbroken (sniff, sniff) from her recently dissolved marriage to come again.
CleanFlicks nightmare: Editing employees will need overtime to get "The Dreamers" to meet its squeaky-clean standards. The erotica flick by Bernardo Bertolucci, director of Academy Award-winning "The Last Emperor," won't be, as he feared, "amputated and mutilated" in editing to make it R-worthy after all. Fox Searchlight Pictures will distribute it in the United States without chopping out the juiciest parts. It'll be the first movie since "Bent" in 1997 to go out with an NC-17 rating.
"Donau, Duna, Dunaj, Dunav, Duanrea": Bonus points to anybody who can memorize this Danube River-based movie title.
Everyone's invited: If you haven't been given a chance to RSVP for a star-studded soiree at Deer Valley, join the crowd. But Park City is throwing an open-air bash for the public, beginning Saturday at 6 p.m. on lower Main Street. And, who knows, maybe your friends will believe it if you say a Hollywood insider put your name on the exclusive list.
Funeral colors: Anybody who's anybody (or at least pretending to be) will probably be decked out in black. At least they'll be dressed appropriately for Ray Romano's movie, "Eulogy."
Gigli: Don't worry. This movie was so independently bad not even Sundance would accept it.
Hurried?: Try three-minute quickies "Cheap Ludes," "N Judah 5:30," billed as a "sexy San Francisco train ride," or "99 Cents," which, sorry to say, is about a perfume peddler, not rapper 50 Cent's older brother.
If you have plenty of time, consider "Dogville," a special screening starring Nicole Kidman, touted by the film guide as "simultaneously empathetic and iconoclastic." If you go to the festival's longest flick, you'll have 177 minutes to figure out what that means.
Independent movie: Movies that are independent of studios' money and influence, and usually independent of audiences, too.
Juxtaposition: The "interesting phenomenon" that happens each January in Park City, according to local Myles Rademan, when a bronzed ski crowd shares the streets and slopes with a troglodytic culture of reclusive cinema dwellers. "It's a clash," he says. But one he loves.
King for a day: To commemorate what would have been the 75th birthday of Martin Luther King Jr., a documentary exploring the final five years of his life named "Citizen King" was made. Aptly, it will be shown on Monday, the day of the national holiday named after him.
Liquid in the limelight: Move over vanilla, lemon and cherry. Coca-Cola, a major Sundance sponsor, will debut a new flavor to savor this week: Diet Coke with Lime. And you thought Sundance was just for movie releases.
McMovie: Fast-food fans who've longed for a documentary about America's passion for that industry need wait no longer. "Super Size Me" is a documentary about a guy who goes on a 30-day McDonald's-only diet (not endorsed by Weight Watchers or Jared, of course). Audiences will soon find out if every meal is a happy one.
Night owls: Sundance will cater to insomniacs with rather interesting tastes. According to the film guide, the midnight movie selection includes graphic Samurai swordplay, a country music cult hero, a French horror flick, a romp called "Home of Phobia," a 3-D terror-ride, a torture-chamber-based who-done-it-thriller, a rags-to-riches-return-to-rags story and a "porno-political-polooza" piece. Infomercials anyone?
Online Film Festival: Wannabe participants who can't attend the festival in person can take part in the experience at www.sundanceonlinefilmfestival.com. For $10, viewers can click on 40 films and innovative projects and various special behind-the-scene features. Free day pass access is also available at Starbucks locations (laptops and double-espresso-flavored popcorn not included).
Park-and-Ride City: It's easier to find a close parking space at Wal-Mart on Saturday than up here. So either pay off a friend to chauffeur you around or, better yet, arrive early and go to the designated parking lots throughout town and take a free festival shuttle or a city bus.
Queer Lounge: Good news for the decorating darlings of the hit TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" — Sundance and Slamdance will feature more than 50 films with homosexual content or filmmakers. To focus and celebrate that, a group of sponsors, including Showtime, will be hosting a hospitality hub, The Queer Lounge at the Gateway Center, for homosexual hobnobbing.
Robert Redford: Sure, you know he's the main man at Sundance, but did you know he can act, too? This year, the ski resort mogul plays lead role in a festival movie, "The Clearing," a drama about a successful family man taken hostage by Spider-Man's nemesis, the Green Goblin, er, at least the guy who plays him (Willem Dafoe).
Smogdance: What the festival would have to be called if it were only held on the Wasatch Front.
Tickets: If you want to do the Sundance but haven't secured your seats yet, you'll probably experience the same frustration as people who waited until the last minute to get opening-day tickets to "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King." In other words: If you don't have Robert Redford's cell number on your speed dial, good luck. As of Tuesday, most Park City shows are sold out and the other venues, especially Salt Lake City, are going fast.
Ticket options include: Call 1-877-733-8497 or go to www.sundance.org to see what's left, or visit the box offices in Park City (Gateway Center, 136 Heber Ave.), Salt Lake City (Trolley Square, 700 E. 500 South), Sundance Village (North Fork, Provo Canyon) or Ogden (2415 Washington Blvd.).
As a last resort, you can try swapping someone tickets for "The Home Teachers," sign up on a first-come-first-served wait list an hour before each screening or try to get day-of-show tickets that are released at 8 a.m. at Park City and Salt Lake City box offices.
Unlikely hero: Napoleon Dynamite, the titular character of this intriguing comedy, not only wears moon boots, but he's from Preston, Idaho. He's also a computer hacker, knows ninja moves and must help his buddy defeat a stuck-up girl. No wonder it's already sold out.
Venues: One Sundance movie — Kutcher's "The Butterfly Effect" — will be seen where few indies go beginning next Friday: at cineplexes and megaplexes near you. Other than that rarity, films will be shown in four locations: in Park City at Eccles Theatre, Egyptian Theatre, Holiday Village Cinemas, Library Center Theatre, Prospector Square Theatre and Yarrow Hotel; in Salt Lake City at Abravanel Hall (only Friday night), Broadway Centre Cinemas, Trolley Corners and Tower Theatre; in Ogden at Peery's Egyptian Theatre; and at Sundance Village in Provo Canyon.
What else to do: Shop till your wallet drops at festival stores (Gateway Center, Park City Marriott, Eccles Theatre); experience hands-on filmmaking technology at Sundance Digital Center (Main Street Mall); attend film-related panel discussions, topics ranging from politics on the screen, digital video to science in film; listen to a variety of musical artists, such as Nelly, Joe Jackson, Jason Mraz and Shawn Colvin, at the Music Cafe after Dark (Plan B, 268 Main St.); or visit Sundance Village for exhibitions, music, workshops and a Native American spa.
Xenophilia: This morpheme (eight-letter word for word) might come in handy if you engage the pro Scrabble superstars/main subjects from "Word Wars" in a spelling skirmish — an offer being made by documentary makers as a publicity stunt. Webster's defines xenophilia, by the way, as an "attraction to or admiration of strangers or foreigners or of anything foreign or strange."
Kinda sums up Sundance.
Yelling: One of the more bizarre (and certainly loudest) entries is a film, "Screaming Men," which, um, yells the story of a Finnish men's choir that belts out its notes by hollering.
Zooey and Zatoichi: Two Z's for the price of one. Zooey Deschanel, Will Ferrell's love interest in "Elf," is an awards presenter. The other is a Japanese movie about a blind swordsman. It remains to be seen how many other Zzzzzzs Sundance movies cause.
E-mail: jody@desnews.com