I have a policy of reviewing all new broadcast network series in this space before they premiere. I just generally don't do it 39 days before a new series premieres.
At the risk of making excuses, it's not my fault that that happened with "Center of the Universe," a dreadful new sitcom that will (allegedly) premiere tonight at 8:30 on CBS/Ch. 2. Yes, I did review it way back on Sept. 18, which, even then, was a little bit early — the show was originally scheduled to premiere on Sept. 22.
But what with 10 new shows debuting the week of Sept. 19 — and five on Sept. 18 alone — I thought I'd get a review in when I could. (That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.)
Little did I know that we'd still be waiting to see "Center of the Universe" five weeks after it was scheduled to debut.
First, CBS scheduled a two-hour "Dr. Phil" special on Sept. 22, knocking the premiere of "Universe" (and the season premiere of "The King of Queens") back a week.
Then, on Sept. 29, CBS made a counter-move against NBC. Because of the presidential debate on Sept. 30, NBC moved "The Apprentice" from Thursday to Wednesday at 8 p.m. that week. CBS pulled the two sitcoms in favor of a rerun of "CSI" — a move that worked by beating "The Apprentice" with the rerun and by helping "CSI: NY" beat "Law & Order" at 9 p.m.
The gamesmanship continued on Oct. 6, with CBS inserting a "CSI: Miami" rerun in place of "King" and "Universe." On Oct. 13, George W. Bush and John Kerry were debating, which knocked out most regular network programming.
And then last week, CBS effected a strategic retreat in the face of the baseball playoffs on Fox. Knowing that Game 7 of the Red Sox-Yankees series would draw a lot of viewers, CBS pulled "King of Queens," "Center of the Universe" and an original episode of "CSI: NY" in favor of still more "CSI" reruns.
Probably not a bad move. Why waste original episodes — let alone season and series premieres of sitcoms — against Game 7?
Still, it meant one more week of delay and wrong listings. (CBS e-mailed me the schedule change a few hours before the repeats aired — and many hours after your paper had been delivered that morning.)
And it meant that my review of "Center of the Universe" was 39 days early instead of 32 days. Assuming, of course, it doesn't turn into 46 days.
Of course, the delay doesn't change the fact that "Center" is downright awful. To recap, It's not just that it's unfunny, it's painfully unfunny. The tape of the pilot episode sent to critics wasn't "sweetened" — there was no laugh track added — and there weren't any laughs from the studio audience. Well, a few nervous, uncomfortable titters, but that was it. This has to be TV's greatest waste of acting talent in years.
Indeed, John Goodman, Jean Smart, Ed Asner, Olympia Dukakis, Diedrich Bader, Melinda McGraw and Spencer Breslin are trapped in the worst new comedy of the season.
This definitely was not worth the wait.
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com