Familiar terrain
Don't you miss those regular episodes of "As the Mailman Turns"?
In case you missed it, Kobe Bryant recently said on a radio program that the Lakers' situation "is what it is, and I want to move on with the team we have here."
Karl Malone understood that to mean Bryant didn't want him back with the Lakers. Malone's agent said the Mailman "felt very disrespected" and has now ruled out returning to L.A.
What? Karl feeling disrespected?
Memo to L.A.: Welcome to our world.
Misdelivery
That's not the end of the story — by a long shot.
Now Bryant is saying the Mailman made a pass at his wife. Malone says it was harmless teasing among friends.
Hard to know who's telling the truth here.
But aren't you just a little bit glad it's someone else's problem?
Out of bounds
Sorry, but this story gets better.
Bryant reportedly told Malone, "Stay away from my wife. What's wrong with you? How could you?"
Good point, Kobe. What sort of guy hits on someone who isn't his wife?
A true artest
Suspended Indiana Pacer Ron Artest now has more to worry about than his anger management.
There's also his R&B group, "Allure."
You know, the group he wanted time off to promote.
USA Today says the group sold just 1,200 copies of its debut album "Chapter III" in its first two weeks. Amazon.com listed the album at No. 29,585.
There is good news, though. I understand it just passed "The Chris Berman Christmas Album" on the charts.
A Mac thing
Ronnie Mac is back, now as coach of Weber State.
Former Ute coach Ron McBride told an audience of media and boosters last week that every time he has left the state he "couldn't wait to get back."
Nice sentiment.
But didn't Jim McMahon already say that?
Salute!
Sad story about European soccer player Paolo Diogo, who lost a finger when his wedding ring caught on a fence during a goal celebration.
Diogo took it philosophically.
"I'm not dead and life goes on," he said. "So I have to live with one less finger."
Judging by the fingers I see on the freeway, maybe others should do the same.
The main guy
Now that Urban Meyer is gone, what are our headline writers gonna do?
Think of it: No more "Urban Renewal" or "Urban Reconstruction" lines.
Fortunately, it looks like new Utah State coach Brent Guy will fill the gap.
How about "The Lonely Guy" or "One Amazing Guy"?
Naw. Too tame.
I say we stick to the Steve Martin staple: "A Wild and Ca-raaaaazy Guy!"
E-mail: rock@desnews.com