When 4-year-old Rylie Watson was asked if she wanted to go back to Trolley Square to fetch the jacket she left behind, the little girl hesitated.
"She didn't want to go to the restaurant," said her father, Jason Watson. "My wife asked her why. She said, 'I don't want to see the police man do this,' and she held her hand in a pistol. When they escorted us out of the place, there was the SWAT team and guns, and that spooked Rylie a little bit."
The Watsons were inside the Old Spaghetti Factory last week when Sulejman Talovic went on his shooting rampage. They hid in a closet in the back of the restaurant. As
police and firefighters rushed around them outside the mall, the fear was also painfully apparent in his 7-year-old daughter's face as she clutched her father, shaking.
"Emmalie, she wears it all on her sleeve," he said. "I had to keep my 1-year-old son so quiet. Every time he would make a noise in that closet, you would just see it written on her face."
Jason Watson said his family is "OK now," but he is still worried about his children. On Friday night, he said he was in a Layton restaurant when someone began singing "Happy Birthday." The clanging noise of a tambourine sent a shock down his spine.
Talovic's face and his actions are seared into the minds of many people who saw him kill and maim — and it's leaving a lasting mark. Many people who witnessed Monday night's shooting rampage are still dealing with the aftermath, emotionally and psychologically.
Some who spoke to the Deseret Morning News said they still can't sleep or eat or even function.
'A huge thing'
Inside the Pottery Barn Kids store where Talovic died in the shootout with police, employees hid until officers came to rescue them. Talking about it in a session with counselor Kent McDonald afterward, employees described a poignant scene: police officers lining up shoulder to shoulder to shield them from Talovic's body as they left the store.
"There was some very sensitive things going on there," he said.
More than 300 calls have been received on Valley Mental Health's crisis line. Some people just want to talk through their fear and anger — but crisis line workers are finding some surprises.
"One of the things that's come up is guilt," said spokeswoman Connie Hines. "People thinking, 'If I had done this, if I had done that. If I had been carrying my gun."'
Others keep playing the rampage over and over in their minds.
"There was a barrage of gunshots," mall antique-shop owner Barrett Dodds recalls.
Watson said he didn't realize until the day after the shooting attack the sheer magnitude of the event.
"I sent my wife and children home, and they watched the news. I was in the Hard Rock Cafe until 10 p.m. I had no idea that this was one of the biggest travesties in Utah," he said. "I had no idea that as much happened as it did. I read in the paper, 'Mall massacre,' and I'm thinking, 'Oh my word, this is a huge thing."'
Megan Stevens works in Cabin Fever, the gift shop where three people were killed. She left about 45 minutes before the shooting started.
"Thank God that I wasn't there," she said. "I'd be dead if I were there. I know I would be."
She admits to having feelings of guilt but also concern for those who witnessed the shootings.
"I want to fix them, the witnesses who saw all that. I want to fix them, but I can't do anything," she said.
'It's OK to be human'
Managers of three stores in Trolley Square called Kent McDonald, the director of Sandy Counseling Center, to do critical incident stress debriefing with their employees. Over two days last week he spoke with more than 40 workers from Pottery Barn Kids, Pottery Barn and Williams-Sonoma.
Although employees were very shaken, McDonald said they were doing pretty well.
"All things considered," he said.
Tears were shed as he walked them through the stages of grief and post-traumatic stress syndrome. Some will require additional counseling, he said.
"Don't get stuck on the bad narrative," McDonald told them. "Remember all the good times you've had in this place and go from there."
Some second-guessed their actions, which he said is common in crises.
"Did I run too fast? Did I not run fast enough?" he said. "We help them realize it's OK to be human."
Hines said it is important for many people who were at Trolley Square to see a counselor.
"They need to talk to somebody soon and talk out how they feel," she said. "For some people that will be all they need. Not sleeping, not being able to eat, thinking on it over and over again, having images coming back, feeling guilty. They need to get into counseling."
Watson, who works at Wells Fargo, said his employer has been amazingly supportive in helping his family recover.
"They flew somebody up from California just to meet with me and my family," he said, adding that he has also been surrounded by supportive family members, friends and co-workers.
Watson said he is still worried for his children, who are showing different reactions to the trauma they experienced. His wife has also expressed some guilt at being a survivor.
"I was there with my entire life right there," he said. "My three children and my wife, and that is a lot."
For Megan Stevens, she said healing has already begun. She went back to Cabin Fever to help clean up some of the mess.
"I was worried the violence would still be there, but there was good energy there, it was positive," she said. "It wasn't scary. It wasn't different than any other day that I've been in."
Dodds said he has experienced another emotion — feelings of appreciation over what he did during the shooting rampage.
"We opened Wednesday, and we had so many people come in and show their support and their gratitude," he said. "A lot of people who hid in our store have come in to tell us 'Thank you."'
Mourning the dead
As he was gunning down people inside the Trolley Square mall, Sulejman Talovic appeared to have a smirk on his face.
"He was very calm, almost proud of himself," said Dodds. "He had a smirk on his face. He was acting like he was God."
By the time the rampage was over, five people were dead and four others injured.
Memorial services for the victims have already begun.
Funerals for Brad Frantz, 24, and Jeffrey Walker, 52, were held Saturday.
Family friends said during his funeral Saturday that Walker jumped in front of his son, taking the blast.
"It turns out that my friend Jeff is a hero," Tracy Mower said. "An authentic hero."
Walker's son, 16-year-old Alan "AJ" Walker, is hospitalized in serious condition. Other shooting victims also remain hospitalized.
Shawn Munns, 34, who was shot outside the mall, was listed in fair condition Saturday.
Stacy Hanson, 53, was reported to be in serious condition at University Hospital.
Carolyn Tuft, 44, is in serious condition. Her LDS bishop said that Tuft is walking and was given a videotape of the memorial service for her daughter, the youngest victim, 15-year-old Kirsten Hinckley. On Friday, students and other family members remembered Hinckley at a service near Brighton High School. A funeral will wait until Tuft is released from the hospital.
On Friday, two funerals were held. In Sandy, family and friends said goodbye to Vanessa Quinn, 29, who was murdered outside Bath and Body Works. In West Valley City, 29-year-old Teresa Ellis was remembered. Her estranged husband, Nathan Ellis, said Teresa would have forgiven Talovic for the shooting.
"We can all forgive, just as she would have forgiven," he said.
Funeral services are also being planned for Talovic. His family said they hope to bury him in his native Bosnia. A Utah County man has donated his frequent-flier miles to the Talovic family to get them to Bosnia.
In an interview with the Deseret Morning News on Saturday, the man — who asked to remain anonymous — said he contacted the Talovic family after his wife read a passage from the Book of Mormon in the Book of Alma, 34:28.
"If ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need — I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is in vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith," he said, reading from the book.
"You can't just talk about it, you need to do it," the man said.
Meanwhile, Salt Lake City police kept mum on their investigation Saturday. Police Chief Chris Burbank has said detectives so far have no motive for the rampage.
Contributing: Dennis Romboy, Wendy Leonard
E-mail: bwinslow@desnews.com