When Melissa Moore concluded writing her book in June, she also put the finishing touches on a treacherous journey of healing.
Moore's father, Keith Hunter Jesperson, is serving a life sentence for the three people he was convicted of killing while working as a truck driver in the early 1990s. After her father's convictions, Moore spent more than a decade unsure of how to deal with her perception of her father being turned upside down, and the stigma that came with being his child.
The mother of two and convert to the Mormon faith said writing "Shattered Silence: The Untold Story of a Serial Killer's Daughter," released earlier this month, took her from a place of denial and shame to one of self-confidence and self-worth that finally offered her the healing she needed.
"As I wrote each chapter, I was uncovering more and more things," said Moore, a Washington state native who lives in Spokane. "It was very therapeutic to get each layer out."
Co-authored by M. Bridget Cook and published by Cedar Fort, a regional publishing house based in Springville, Utah, "Shattered Silence" is already proving to have a lot of interested readers, including Oprah Winfrey, who is featuring Moore on her show today.
Moore was 15 in 1995 when she first learned her father was not who she thought he was. He was arrested for the murder of his girlfriend (he and Moore's mother divorced in 1990), and confessed to other slayings. In the years to come, police would link Jesperson to a total of eight murders and he would be dubbed the "Happy Face" serial killer for the token smiley faces he would draw at the end of letters he anonymously leaked to the press before he was arrested.
Media reports during 1995 naturally focused on the victims and their families, but Moore said there was also a lot of hurt within her own. When the truth began to surface, everyone wanted to know how Jesperson became the sociopath he was, with many people associating his behavior with his relatives.
"I think people look to the family and ask, 'Who created this monster?' " she said. "People look to me and say, 'Your father was a sociopath, so what does that make you?' "
Moore's family dealt with such speculation by burying it. They didn't talk about the obvious struggles they were going through, even among themselves, and Moore, who was just a teenager at the time, felt a lot of shame and guilt, worrying that she might possess some of his same traits.
Her one outlet was her journal, in which she wrote regularly throughout her adolescence. She referred back to her teenage journals while writing "Shattered Silence" and was saddened by her young, anguished tone. She thought she was being chastised by God, that some unknown sin caused her world to crumble.
"I thought I was being punished," she said. "That's a common theme through my journal, wondering what I had done wrong. … I was kind of really sad to see that I felt that way."
This harsh view of God would eventually change, however, when Moore went away to college and began dating her eventual husband, Sam. The pair had been married for two years when she saw some missionaries near their home and decided it would be best for her to learn about her husband's faith. Through studying with them and keeping an open mind, she found truth and the help she needed to relearn how to view herself. She joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in December 2002.
"It made sense to me," she said. "I knew it was true, I knew I wanted to be baptized."
In addition to helping her reshape her spiritual self, Moore said the church offered a great support system.
"As a young mother, I was able to look at the Relief Society sisters as a positive example to me," she said. "I was able to see how they ran a healthy home. They were silent mentors. I was able to break the chains of abuse by having a positive role model."
Even with her newfound faith, Moore couldn't get away from the past she refused to acknowledge. As welcoming as her new community was, she didn't let them in on her father's identity.
"I felt inferior to other church members," she said. "I just didn't want to be judged by his actions."
Then one day, her young daughter asked her where Moore's father was, and she realized that if she couldn't confront the truth about her father, she'd never be able to answer that question adequately for her little girl.
She knew she needed to talk to someone who could offer her counsel and in 2008 began researching. She came across Dr. Phil McGraw's Web site and decided to send an e-mail asking for help. She was invited onto his show, titled the "Get Real Retreat," and it was on national television that she first spoke openly about her father and the pain his callousness had caused.
"It was terrifying," she said. While appearing on television might sound like a rash decision, Moore said it was right for her because it "made it so that I was accountable to healing."
The counsel she received from Dr. Phil, along with the self-discovery she experienced through writing the book, helped her to get past her hurt once and for all.
"We don't have to be products of our circumstance. I'm at a point now that I can walk with my head held high. I can look to the future," she said.
That's the main message in "Shattered Silence," she said, that people, regardless of the circumstances they've been born into, can rise above them.
Today's episode of "Oprah" featuring Moore is being billed as "Dr. Phil Returns to Oprah."
Cedar Fort publicist Liz Carlston said having a book featured on the show is a first for the small company, and "It's very exciting for us."
The publishing house is printing 50,000 copies of the book, which is as big a print run as the company has had, and is currently in its third printing. Carlston said she anticipates Moore's appearance on Oprah will spur significant interest, and she hopes Cedar Fort will have the right number of books to fit the demand.
Moore's story isn't typical of the Mormon-centric books Cedar Fort generally publishes, but Carlston said she thinks it still fits in with the company's efforts to "pursue books that are going to make people better after reading them."
Moore said she's had quite the transformation in recent years and hopes she can inspire people like her, who through no fault of their own are dealt life-changing blows, to keep their heads held high and stay positive.
"I think I'm an example that you can overcome adversity and still have a good life."
e-mail: mfarmer@desnews.com