Editor's note: This is one in a series about Mormons who blog and why they do so.
Blogging is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. No other venture has forced my vulnerability like blogging. The sensation of opening up my soul and letting the insecurity gush out for thousands of people to read is terrifying.
You toss all the seeds harvesting in your brain, and it yields an immediate public garden of response. People love me. People hate me. People understand me. People misunderstand me. People offend me. People defend me. All of this every day.
I’ve been called fat. Over-hyped. Undeserving. A “sheltered, rather stupid sorority girl and Molly Mormon twit who apparently never ventures outside her comfort zone of pretty shoes and pretty people and sugary snacks.” My family, my faith, my intuition, my thoughts, and my life have been publicly attacked and slandered.
I am often dumbfounded how misread, misunderstood and misjudged I am as a blogger. Recently I found a thread on a blogging community board where a ex-fan of mine was hoping I’d “get the hint” and quit. I didn’t need to get any hint.
In the past five years of blogging, I have wanted to quit no less than 7,000 times. It’s hard. It’s too hard. Yes, we can do hard things, but not this hard. I have been pelted with insults too long to enjoy it like I used to enjoy it in the beginning. And though we’ve tried everything from comment control to ending comment discussions, sometimes the sting is slow to heal.
The problem with quitting is it is not the right thing to do. It is not the answer to my prayers. It is not, I suppose, what the Lord wants. My faith has been manifest in blogging. It is a trail of thoughts leading to truths present in my life.
I don’t write with doctrinal perfection. I have been asked by other Mormon bloggers to make it clear I don’t represent the church. I’ve also had Mormon bloggers disassociate themselves from me. But, as it pertains to the body of my work, I know my heart is in a solid place. I know the Lord is OK with my effort because he has blessed me.
Last spring, my husband was able to quit his corporate job. Thanks to a successful ad network, my blog now makes enough income to support our family. My husband and I have become co-creators in this endeavor. I write the words, he produces the photography for each post. Even in our early years of marriage — when we’d talk of being professional creators someday — we never dreamed it would happen like this, so soon.
We’ve had opportunities to serve and to be served in the grandest ways. We’ve been able to travel with our family. We’ve met incredible people from artists to actors, chefs, musicians, writers, thinkers, journalists and church leaders. I’ve had opportunities to be published in major newspapers, books and anthologies. Our children have been recipients of gifts from all over the world. We have been able to sponsor free concerts for our community.
As my sister puts it, we get to enjoy perks of being “mildly famous.” As great as all of those opportunities are, they are not the reason why I am called to blog. I blog for an opportunity to share joy.
My blog is actually called "c jane ENJOY IT." And it’s about my life’s quest to embrace happiness in spite of what may transpire. And in examining what is real joy, I have found my voice, my testimony and my service.
C. Jane Kendrick writes for blog.cjanerun.com and cjaneprovo.com. She lives in Provo, Utah, with her husband and two children.
