BYU President Shane Reese has waved to thousands of motorists. How many waved back?

Mapleton’s a fairly small Utah County community — so if you’ve spent much time driving around that town, there’s a good chance Brigham Young University President Shane Reese has waved at you.

Did you wave back? Probably not.

But that’s OK, Reese told the Deseret News, laughing.

Most Mapleton motorists are rightly occupied with the road ahead when they are behind the wheel. Others might not see the silver-haired man waving at them from the opposite driving lane or while stopped at a traffic light.

And, yes, some motorists see President Reese waving and then don’t bother returning the wave.

But a few wave back. And while each “wave-back” is a simple reciprocation, it still makes the BYU chief feel good.

“I love it,” said Reese. “I’ll go home and tell my wife, ‘Hey, someone waved back today.’”

Waving at strangers in cars has become something of a civic duty for Reese. It’s an easy yet spirit-lifting gesture. And it doesn’t cost a dime.

But it matters.

Reese can’t say that his thousands of waves have helped further unify Mapleton, the place he’s called home for almost 25 years. “But it has changed something within me,” he observed.

“I feel more connected with people, even when they don’t wave back.”

A stake president’s ‘wave at your neighbor’ challenge

So what’s the genesis of Reese’s Mapleton-waving habit? The BYU president said it was not his idea.

Several years ago Reese was sitting in a church meeting when his Latter-day Saint stake president — a lifelong Mapleton resident — lamented diminished community connections in his hometown.

“My stake president said when he was growing up he remembered riding around in a truck with his dad and everybody would wave to one another when they were driving around town,” recalled Reese.

“Whether they knew each other or not, they just would wave to each other.”

Then the stake president extended an invitation to Reese and other congregants: Start waving to people as you drive around town.

“I remember thinking, ‘Waving — that seems easy enough,’” said Reese. “I liked the idea of having a community that feels closely knit. So I accepted my stake president’s invitation.

“Whether I was driving around town to, say, get a soda or take my kids to school, I decided I was going to wave at everybody I came upon when driving around Mapleton.”

Years later, Reese still continues to wave at fellow Mapleton motorists. If you pass him on the way to, say, Matteo’s Artisan Pizza or Maple Canyon Family Dental, you will likely be on the receiving end of a wave from BYU’s 14th president.

A good wave day = No ‘0-fers’

Waving at strangers is a “low-return-rate” social gesture. But Reese doesn’t take unreturned waves personally.

He knows there are plenty of reasons why a motorist may not wave back. In most cases, passing motorists simply don’t see Reese or his wave.

But he has fun turning his waving habit into a Reese family social experiment. “My kids and I used to keep track of (wave-backs) when I drove them around town,” said Reese, laughing. “And it was way less than 10% of the time.

“I’m sure most of the time people were just paying attention to the road, so it’s hard to fault anybody for not waving back.”

Still, Reese’s children enjoy giving Dad a hard time when he goes an entire day absent a “wave-back.” The Reese kids dub it “an 0-fer.”

“To this day, I try to wave to as many people as I can,” Reese reported. “And I still get some ‘0-fers’ — but usually it’s other drivers that don’t wave back. Pedestrians are far more likely to wave back than fellow motorists.”

Waging kindness battles against loneliness

Reese embraces his stake president’s challenge to wave to fellow Mapleton residents. But even for an extrovert, connecting with strangers isn’t a natural thing. Waving still pulls Reese from his comfort zone.

But in an era where interpersonal communication is increasingly defined by digital emails, text message and remote-work Zoom meetings, Reese has discovered rewards in deliberately initiating real-world connections with strangers.

And waving to a stranger can be good for your health. It’s a proven remedy to fight loneliness.

Reese points to a 2023 surgeon general report called “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.”

In that report, Dr. Vivek Murthy warned that social disconnect across the country was becoming increasingly common. Almost half of American adults reported experiencing loneliness, even prior to the pandemic.

“Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling — it harms both individual and societal health,” wrote Murthy.

“It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day — and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.

“And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.”

Research also shows that kind gestures between strangers — something as simple as a wave or a “hello” — can benefit the mental health of both the giver and the receiver.

“All of (these micro-encounters) seem to affirm our belonging, seem to affirm that we are seen and recognized by others, even the most casual contact,” psychiatrist Dr. Robert Waldinger at Massachusetts General Hospital said in an NPR report.

As the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, he has followed individuals and their families for decades to understand the factors contributing to well-being.

Building more social moments into our days doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking, Waldinger added. He suggests starting with small steps, like small talk with strangers and acquaintances.

“People love to be noticed,” he said. “And most of the time, they will respond positively.”

And if they don’t, he added, don’t give up.

“This is a little like a baseball game where you don’t expect to hit the ball every time.”

A college president’s plea: ‘Get outside yourselves’

So Reese continues waving at his fellow Mapleton motorists — and it’s still a happy jolt whenever a wave is returned. He’s side-stepped another day’s “0-fer.”

But as the president of a university with an enrollment of almost 40,000, Reese’s thoughts are never far from BYU students. He knows many are likely feeling isolated or unseen.

So deliberately connecting with others — “getting outside of one’s self” — is one of the most important things a student can learn, said Reese.

Simply waving at people, he added, is an intentional act. It shifts from the daily and often isolated routine of personal workday schedules and personal to-do lists.

Waving at a stranger is a “point outward” action.

“For our students that are facing this epidemic of loneliness, I think the single biggest transformative thing they can do as young people, in a kind of a social-isolationist world, is to get outside themselves,” said Reese.

“And simple things — like waving at people or popping your headphones out of your ears so you can smile at someone as they’re walking across campus — create a sense of belonging.

“It obliterates that sense of loneliness … and it’s such a small act.”