While sitting behind the wheel of his car one day, Nick Shakoour, the actor who plays Zebedee in “The Chosen,” felt his body overcome by a “physical, tangible force.”
“I was trying to shake it off,” Shakoour told the Deseret News, “like it was a dog biting my ankles. ... I could feel myself being sucked into this — the best way I could describe it is death.”
It was that day “everything came to a head” for Shakoour.
Following a sequence of disappointments, Shakoour crawled into a dark place where he remained for a “very long time.” He’d recently started portraying Zebedee in the biblical drama “The Chosen,” but carried doubts about the existence of God.
As Shakoour became more involved with “The Chosen,” he said the darkness that had gotten comfortable inside him began to loosen up and that he was flooded with spiritual experiences.
“The show (‘The Chosen’) was definitely a conduit that God used,” Shakoour said.
After his car-ride encounter with that “frightening” darkness, Shakoour said he was spiritually transformed through “a complex series of smaller and larger moments” and “experiencing the fatherly presence of God.”
“All I did was talk about Jesus,” Shakoour said.
He documented his conversion experience and the impact “The Chosen” has had on him in an autobiography, “Transformer: Awakening From a Spiritual Coma,” which releases on Friday.
Shakoour’s reluctant audition for ‘The Chosen’
Before auditioning to play Zebedee in “The Chosen,” Shakoour called upon God.
“I looked up into the sky and I said, ‘God, you probably don’t even exist.’ And that was a genuine, heartfelt declaration,” Shakoour said. “In the hindsight, it was also a desperate cry for help, almost like I was challenging God.”
Shakoour had reached a point of frustration in his acting career when his manager urged him to audition for the role of Zebedee in “The Chosen.” Despite his semi-religious upbringing, Shakoour had never heard of Zebedee but “begrudgingly ended up auditioning for it.”
“And next thing I knew, (the role) was offered to me,” he said.
He recalled telling his manager, “I really don’t feel like playing a 55-year-old fisherman. What can I have, like, a leading role in something (or) something more age appropriate?”
Shakoour declined the role three times before reluctantly agreeing to take it — a decision that he said “saved” him.
Zebedee’s impact
Zebedee, according to all four biblical gospels, was the father of Jesus’ apostles James and John.
Early into his performance as Zebedee, Shakoour repeatedly heard feedback on how he “represented the Father’s heart on ‘The Chosen.‘”
Shakoour, who is not a father, was puzzled by that type of commentary. “I used to not even know what that meant, until I realized, as I was playing the role, I started to really feel like a dad.”
He continued, “And once I encountered God and the Holy Spirit, I could sense that fatherly presence. ... It made me put two and two together, and made me realize, ‘Wow, this is what everybody means when they keep coming up to me and saying, You represent the heart of the Father.‘”
‘Transformer: Awakening From a Spiritual Coma’
Shakoour said he’s excited for the release of his action-adventure autobiography, “Transformer: Awakening From a Spiritual Coma.”
“I was in a position of doubt and fear for the longest time,” he said. “I’m excited for people to read through and take that journey with me, and experience this incredible journey through my eyes.”