Thousands of Latter-day Saint young single adults flocked to downtown Salt Lake City this weekend for the fourth annual Utah Area YSA Conference organized by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Besides keynotes, classes and concerts, the conference’s activities for young adults included a winding trike course, areas for all sorts of yard games and a giant ballroom for speed-dating.
Activities also included booths to receive online dating advice and profile reviews from staff at Mutual, an online dating platform designed specifically for single Latter-day Saints.
Here are three common mistakes both the president and marketing director at Mutual said are undermining users’ dating profiles — and how to fix them.
1. Using one-dimensional photos
Mutual president Michael Patterson told the Deseret News the No. 1 mistake users make on their dating profiles is using photos “that are too close to them.”
“When you take a picture too close to you, you kind of rob the ability to have anything else about what you like or what you do,” he said. “You just have a square with your face in it.”
What singles should do, Patterson said, is to stop taking selfies and ask their friends or someone else to take photos of them.
“Try to take pictures in places or doing things that you really love,” Patterson said. That way when others look “at your profile, they’re able to learn more about you and really see a story about you.”
Mutual marketing director Alexia Elkington highlighted the same advice, saying: “If you like going to sports, get photos of you at sports. If you love animals, get photos of you with animals.”
This way your photos won’t be “so one-dimensional,” she said, “because there’s only so much that people can comment on from selfies.”
Along with this, Patterson advised users to make sure their photos are current. “Represent you how you are now so that you guys have a good understanding of who you’re expressing interest in,” he said.
2. Trying to be liked instead of authentic
Trying to fit preconceived notions of what others like or are attracted to is another mistake users frequently make, Elkington said.
Users who do this often have a hard time attracting people they’re most compatible with, Elkington said, so “don’t be afraid to be authentically yourself and make the effort.”
If every other profile on a dating app features a hiking photo, for instance, but hiking isn’t your thing, don’t post a hiking photo just to fit in. Likewise don’t include any information or photos in your profile that don’t represent your authentic self, talents and interests.
“Everyone has their own strengths and gifts that God’s given them, and your goal is to be able to help highlight (yours),” Patterson said.
Capturing a whole person in a dating profile is impossible, he added, but the profile should offer a “glimpse or tease of what it’s like to spend time with you, and what you love and what you’re about and what your dreams are.”
Treat crafting a dating profile like applying for a dream job and put in the effort, Patterson said.
“If you’re trying to land a job you really, really want, you’re going to make a lot of effort to be able to showcase your skills and your abilities. Dating’s not that different. … You’re trying to help someone know why they should express interest in you.”
3. Writing short prompts and messages
The classic “Hey, what’s up?” message and other short texts or prompts give people on the receiving end little to work with, Elkington said.
“Don’t be afraid to entice people with questions,” she said. “Make sure when you’re messaging someone, you’re giving them context or something to actually answer.”
Elkington said genuine questions invite people to actually start conversations. “Those people that are making an effort to answer them, genuinely want to be there, and it’s more likely to carry into a date in person.”
Other online dating advice
Elkington also advised singles to not be afraid to meet new people through dating apps.
“There is a lot more good than we think,” Elkington said, advising users who are nervous to go from a text to an in-person date to start with a video call.
“If you’re too nervous to meet up in person, you can just say, ‘Hey, would you mind if we FaceTime tonight just for, like, 10 minutes and we can plan our date?’”
This way “you get the opportunity to talk to them somewhere that’s not in person and get a feel for them before you’re meeting them,” Elkington said.
Patterson similarly advised singles to use dating apps as a tool to start new relationships.
“When we created Mutual, we never expected it to be or designed it to be the only place for you to meet people,” he said.
Dating apps are tools, and “you should go to any opportunity you can to meet awesome other people,” he said.
“Our goal was to create an opportunity to expand the ability for great people to meet, especially among a global faith that is so distributed across the world. We wanted to make it easier to find the amazing people there.”
Patterson advised singles to be open and to not take online dating too seriously.
“You don’t need to necessarily go find your wife today or tomorrow,” Patterson said. “You’re trying to go meet someone and take them on a date and potentially build a relationship.”
Sometimes that relationship grows into something more, and sometimes it opens the doors for others, he said. “I’ve seen so many different things happen, but it does take time and it is a leap of faith.”
