A lighthearted look at the news of the day:

This is the week when New Year’s resolutions have about as much chance of surviving as the last pile of cookies you stored in a kitchen cupboard.

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Think of your resolutions as fruit cake. Give them a fighting chance.

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President Trump said he made a resolution. But he told reporters in Florida he didn’t want to say what it was because he didn’t want to jinx it. Someone should tell him that expressing the insults in his head on Twitter can be a jinx, as well.

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With the holidays over, Nancy Pelosi can go back to searching her house for those articles of impeachment she might have misplaced in all the wrapping paper.

Related
Mitt Romney and Mike Lee take on distinct roles for Senate impeachment trial
John Bolton ‘prepared to testify’ if subpoenaed in Senate impeachment trial

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Joe Biden raised $22.7 million for his campaign during the last quarter of 2018, while Pete Buttigieg raised $24.7 million. It’s not fair to make a comparison, however, because Biden gets a senior discount on ad purchases.

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The Army has now forbidden its soldiers from using the social media app TikTok, which originates in China. Apparently, military brass worries the app may be collecting sensitive information from its users, and that could harm national security. TikTok responded by denying the claims, then said, “On the count of three, you will all forget what those worries were.”

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All this stuff about cybersecurity and data collection is scary. I remember watching “The Manchurian Candidate.” Doesn’t anyone find it strange that Frank Sinatra has nothing to say about all this?

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For several days now, residents of northeast Colorado have seen large drones in the sky, flying in formation. A local sheriff tried to reassure people by issuing a statement that said, “I would like to let the community know that we at the Sheriff’s office do not have many answers at this time.” Sounds about as reassuring as another aging candidate fielding questions at a Democratic debate.

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Just wait until someone discovers that the only way to make the drones go away is to install TikTok on your smartphone.