Pignanelli & Webb: Happy Memorial Day weekend. This is the unofficial start of summer, and a break from the routine when our leaders pause to think about their greatest challenges and how to resolve them. Now Utah politicians and other leaders have access to a new tool to help them find success: ChatGPT, a form of artificial intelligence.

What questions would our civic leaders ask ChatGPT? We pass on our best guesses on the wisdom our leaders might seek from the AI oracle. We’re still working on hacking the answers.

Gov. Spencer Cox: “How can I nicely say what I really think — and what most people believe — about right wing extremists, President Joseph Biden and Congress? Is there a way to communicate my extreme disgust with them without being rude and offensive?”

Utah Democratic Central Committee: “How do we run a campaign against the governor who has had the most effective prayer results since seagulls responded to similar entreaties in 1848 and ate all those crickets?”

Utah Republican Central Committee members: “How can we be ourselves and continue to act crazy, obnoxious and clueless and still maintain our domination of Utah government?”

Sen. Mitt Romney: “How can I appropriately and successfully promote McKay Coppins’ new biography about me, ‘Romney: A Reckoning,’ while either a lame-duck senator, or the bogeyman of Donald Trump and the far right?”

Sen. Mike Lee: “How many times can I publicly say, ‘I told you so’ regarding the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, and abuse of its database, without sounding too obnoxious?”

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President Joe Biden: “How can I get my communications staff to write scripts and talking points that convey my youthful outlook and vigor as I slowly read them?”

Former President Donald Trump: “How can I continue to belittle and mock Ron DeSanctimonious without voters realizing I’m afraid of him?” 

Presidential hopeful Ron DeSantis: “How can I confirm to voters that Trump is a lecherous, lying, egotistical old man, living in the past, without offending his base of support?”

Salt Lake City Mayor Erin Mendenhall: “How can I appropriately, nicely but consistently refer to my opponent’s age during this campaign? Also, how can I ensure that a Major League Baseball team locates in the city by November?”

Mayoral candidate Rocky Anderson: “What is the best way to blanket city streets with my lawn signs and label it as urban beautification?”

Congressman Blake Moore: “What are the alternatives to national parks that visitors can enjoy while visiting our state, just in case there’s a government shutdown?”

Department of Natural Resources Director Joel Ferry: “In less than a year as executive director, Utah went from record drought to record snowfall and flooding. Remind me again why I left the Legislature for this craziness.”

Congressman Chris Stewart: “How do we kick the partisans out of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and rebuild the agency?”

Speaker of the House Brad Wilson: “I can accomplish in six hours in the state Legislature what would take six years in Congress. Should I have second thoughts about running for the U.S. Senate?”

Utah Jazz CEO Danny Ainge: “How do we meet expectations to win, but still rebuild the team?”

Senate President Stewart Adams: “Are there any more ‘best in the nation awards’ Utah hasn’t won? Do we need to start competing globally or galactically for the honors?”

Congressman John Curtis: “How many more weird sock designs can I wear before facing accusations of a personality disorder?”

Congressman Burgess Owens: “How can the country apply NFL offensive and defensive strategies to our various domestic and foreign policy disputes?”

Lt. Gov. Deidre Henderson: “How do I avoid incurring tennis elbow from waving in so many local parades over the next four months?”

Salt Lake County Mayor Jenny Wilson: “As the state’s top Democrat, how do I defend my party’s agenda in a red state without pulling my hair out?”

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Utah Democratic Party Chair Diane Lewis: “How do I manage the extreme elements of this party without alienating them but at the same time preventing their actions from harming my objectives of relevancy.”

Utah Republican Party Chairman Robert Axson: “How do I manage the extreme elements of this party without alienating them but at the same time preventing their actions from harming my objectives of relevancy.”

Utah State Auditor John Dougall: “Should I actually enjoy the performance audits my office executes on state agencies or feel bad for the victims?”

Attorney General Sean Reyes: “Where can I find some more bad guys to prosecute in a very public and entertaining manner?”

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Deseret News Executive Editor Doug Wilks: “It is the primary mission of this newspaper to provide intelligent and insightful news and commentary to our community. So why do I keep Pignanelli and Webb around?”

Frank Pignanelli: “How many times can I quote the ‘Godfather’ in polite conversation?”

LaVarr Webb: “Why do the cacophony of cackling noises my flock of chickens make on the farm sound eerily like a Republican or Democratic state convention?”

Republican LaVarr Webb is a former journalist and a semiretired small farmer and political consultant. Email: lwebb@exoro.com. Frank Pignanelli is a Salt Lake attorney, lobbyist and political adviser who served as a Democrat in the Utah state Legislature. Email: frankp@xmission.com.

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