When my wife and I found out we were expecting, I was ecstatic. I had always dreamed of being a father. But as the initial excitement faded, fear and anxiety set in.
I was 25 and in the middle of my first year of law school — buried in outlines, case law, job interviews and exams. If I was already struggling to balance my current responsibilities, how could I possibly take on the added challenge of raising a child? How would I support my wife and baby without a steady income?
I also worried about losing my freedom. My wife and I are a spontaneous, adventurous couple. We love to hike, ski, go to the movies, and stay out late with friends. Would all of that disappear once I became a father? The more I thought about it, the more I struggled with the outlook of my new life.
And then my son was born.
It was the happiest day of my life, and my perspective quickly changed. Fatherhood wasn’t an obstacle to my educational success and quality of life — it was a boon for both. The sleepless nights and added stress were real, but so was my newfound sense of purpose. I was more motivated in school and work, more determined to succeed. And to my surprise, I didn’t lose my freedom. Sure, we had to adapt, and it took effort. But my wife and I were still able to enjoy our hobbies and find time to be together.
Our culture often portrays having children at a young age as a roadblock to success and fulfillment, and celebrates young adults without children. But in reality, you can have children in your twenties — and still find professional success and personal fulfillment.
The myth of lost happiness
Contrary to the prevailing narrative that children drain personal happiness, research suggests that fathers experience greater well-being than their childless peers. Social scientists found that “fathers reported greater happiness, subjective well-being, psychological need satisfaction, and daily uplifts than did men without children.” Fathers also experience greater levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, autonomy and competence, along with fewer negative emotions. Another study linked fatherhood with increased community engagement, better health and higher income.
Even as overall happiness declined between 1985 and 2005, research found that parents did not experience an absolute drop in happiness and are becoming happier relative to their childless peers.
Despite these findings, many argue that there’s no need to rush into fatherhood since these benefits apply regardless of age. Financial concerns, career ambitions and the desire for personal freedom are common reasons for delaying parenthood. While these reasons are understandable, there are significant advantages to having children earlier in life:
Physical readiness: Young parents are more physically apt to keep up with active children. In the Guardian, one young mom explains, “I just feel like I’m more up for it.” This has been true for me. My rigorous schedule often requires me to be at school for eight hours a day. But when I get home, I still have the energy to play with my son for a few hours before putting him to bed.
Avoiding the “sandwich”: Those who have children earlier are less likely to become members of the “sandwich generation” — adults who are caught between raising kids and caring for aging parents. My parents and in-laws are still in their 50s, so by the time they need support, my children will likely be independent and out of the home.
Career flexibility: Taking paternity or sick leave to care for children might be more manageable early in a career, whereas it might be more challenging in an established position where disruptions in responsibilities are harder to handle.
Stronger family support: If you’re having children young, your parents are probably young, too. They will have more energy to help care for your children and play an integral part in their lives. Additionally, having kids young means they are more likely to meet their great-grandparents. Research shows that children who enjoy high levels of grandparental involvement in their life experience fewer emotional and behavior problems.
Why are couples having children later?
Despite these benefits, many young couples hesitate to start families due to financial pressures, lack of workplace support, and cultural narratives that frame parenthood as a sacrifice rather than a privilege.
Sociologist Brad Wilcox argues that our nation’s hesitation to start families early — or at all — can be countered by cultural, policy and economic changes. One way this can be achieved is by offering more marriage and family courses in high schools and universities. Teaching young people practical relationship and parenting skills could boost their confidence and willingness to start families.
Another solution is increasing the child tax credit, making parenthood more financially viable for young couples. We could also offer more robust tax advantages to companies that offer paid parental leave to their employees. Making paid parental leave more common would help alleviate financial concerns that might otherwise discourage young couples from having children.
Many people are delaying parenthood or choosing not to have children at all. The fertility rate in the United States is at a historic low, and a growing number of couples say they are unlikely to ever have kids. Like many of them, I was once afraid to become a father. The financial burden, loss of freedom and increased responsibility all seemed overwhelming.
But fatherhood has turned out to be the greatest gift of my life: my son is a blessing, not a burden. I haven’t lost freedom — I’ve gained the chance to experience life more deeply, and the responsibility has given me strength and a higher purpose. It’s time we stop viewing early parenthood as an obstacle and start recognizing it for what it truly is — one of life’s greatest catalysts for success and happiness.
Matt Rich is a second-year law student at Brigham Young University and a new father.