It’s been heartwarming to see images of people coming together to cheer for their teams at the World Cup, including parents and children celebrating together, like this father and son at a Brazilian match:
No one watching scenes like this would say, “Well, that kid never really had a chance to support any other team. His dad and community indoctrinated him from a young age to be a Brazil fan.”
We wouldn’t say that because we know it’s one of the great joys of life for a parent to share the things they love with their children. There’s nothing nefarious about it.
Permissiveness, not brainwashing, as the bigger problem
Having children is a blessing. Sharing your interests, joys and traditions is a big part of that blessing. There has to be some upside after changing all those diapers.
Yet in public discussion about religion, suspicions of indoctrination have become a common talking point. Many people are encouraged to view the faith of their fathers and mothers not as a gift that was passed down to them but as a form of brainwashing or stifling control.
This is expressed in sentiments such as, “I never really had a chance; my parents never gave me a choice.”
There should be a place in every life for serious testing of assumptions and questioning of beliefs. The question is whether childhood is that place.
One could say to a 5-year-old, “We’re going to church today, you can stay home or come.” Or to a teenager, “We believe you shouldn’t sleep around, use drugs, or consume pornography, but ultimately it’s your choice.”
But that does not sound like a particularly effective or rewarding way to raise children. Permissiveness may sound like freedom, but it often fails to form character.
Childhood as a firm foundation
Some who leave their childhood faith believe they should have been encouraged earlier to question the claims their parents made about truth, values and eternity.
Yet parenting is not primarily the work of opening every question to debate or encouraging seeds of doubt. It is the work of giving children a solid foundation from which to grow.
So, to a certain extent, the claim made by critics is correct; many didn’t have much choice but to adopt the religion or culture of their parents. But is that so wrong?
Permissiveness may sound like freedom, but it often fails to form character.
Abusive or controlling households are another matter, of course, where questions are suppressed, or obedience is demanded unhealthily. But when ordinary families raise children within their sincerely held beliefs and traditions, they are enculturing their children into a world they trust, love and enjoy.
It’s difficult to imagine a coherent alternative to this enculturation in childhood.
Family culture as a valuable asset
Many parents are troubled when a child leaves home and comes to believe they were stifled by their childhood culture, a view often reinforced later by academic or digital influences. What was an imperfect but genuinely loving family relationship gets reinterpreted through that lens, and can harden into resentment toward parents.
But parents from across cultures — from Korea to Mexico — understand that if they do not intentionally shape their children’s character with the values and culture they believe in, that vacuum will be filled by a more shallow and materialistic worldview.
If young people don’t understand that yet, once they become parents themselves one day, they quickly discover the necessity of boundaries, expectations and traditions. And they may finally recognize how culture disciplines and forms us, even if it can sometimes be imperfect and constraining.
If we resent well-meaning parents for impressing culture and tradition on their children, we would have to apply that critique consistently to every culture we enjoy, including the ones we celebrate at the World Cup.
Of course, religion is far more important and complex than supporting a soccer team. And a good father believes it is infinitely more important to share his values with his child than to share his support for a sports team.
And yet when we watch the World Cup, we do not experience this as oppression. It feels enriching and vibrant. We admire the way Japanese fans teach children to pick up after themselves in stadiums. We love how Brazilian players dance in celebration. We notice what we admire in different nations, and what we don’t.
A world of individuals with no inherited norms, no expectations and no shared formation would not be a celebration of freedom. It would likely be incoherent, self-absorbed and far less interesting, on or off the pitch.
Messi and God
My husband has a complicated relationship with the football faith of his family. He’s from South Africa, so he grew up supporting the South African soccer team with his father. However, in his teenage years, he began — as did so many millions — to fall in love with Messi, even to the point of supporting Argentina.
He has shared this with his boys and has taken them to a few Argentina matches. He still maintains his love for South Africa, and he still discusses the team with his dad. His orthodox upbringing hasn’t inhibited his open-minded love for other teams, even if his dad gives him a side eye when he sees him in a Messi jersey.
In the same way, children inherit identities and later revise them. Most remain within the tradition they were raised in; some move away.
Inheriting a particular value system is not the opposite of freedom; it is often the starting point from which freedom operates. Culture and religious traditions don’t have to be boxes that trap us, but frameworks from which we begin to understand the world.
My husband may enjoy sharing Messi with his children, but his desire to pass on his faith in Jesus Christ is far more central to how he raises them. Soccer brings joy and disappointment, but faith, for him, carries weight, hope, meaning and direction for life.
Some people leave the culture they were raised in with resentment toward teachings they believe were harmful. Others step away after sincere reflection and a loss of belief. My point is not that people should never leave their faith or culture, but that loving parents are not acting wrongly when they pass on what they believe to be true. In fact, failing to do so would mean handing their children over to a culture they do not believe in.
If we can understand the father in the clip celebrating Brazil’s victory with his son, we can understand why he would want to share something even more significant. And even if that child later chooses a different path, I hope he might still remember the culture of his childhood with fondness and gratitude.