One of the contradictions people of faith confront sooner or later is that we are going to be hurt and disappointed despite trying to do all the right things. While we may not believe we’d feel betrayed when upsetting challenges come, it’s easy to feel just that: “how could God let something like this happen?”
We all have a particular vision of happiness for ourselves, and it’s often informed by religious belief. But what are the chances that any of us completely understand God’s vision for us and our happiness and, more importantly, the pain it might entail?
And what happens to our faith when our own vision for happiness can’t be realized the way we expect? Because for many of us, where our plans don’t overlap with God’s is exactly where we will encounter life’s greatest questions, doubts, disappointments and pains.
Real happiness requires us to change
One of the most significant ways in which The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints differs from other churches is its concept of happiness: we exist to become like God because it’s the only way to have the kind of joy he does. And helping us do this is at the center of who God is and his joy.
This means happiness is not a transaction; it isn’t something God can simply grant us in exchange for believing the right things or performing the right works. Happiness requires our transformation.
The Book of Mormon illustrates that transformation God desires for us with unusual clarity.
‘We’ve been wronged!’
As in the Bible, the Book of Mormon begins with a family’s journey. Despite having everything in common — same family, religion, culture, journey, and circumstances — the siblings in the story still arrive at very different places spiritually and emotionally.
For example, the eldest brothers Laman and Lemuel spend most of their time in the Book of Mormon disappointed and aggrieved — often with good cause. In their own words:
“Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy.”
These brothers’ descendants internalized this feeling of having been “wronged” because of their hardships, and they forsake God and their family in the process.
‘God’s been right there with me’
On the other hand, the younger brother, Nephi, makes sense of the hardships of their journey very differently. At his lowest point, he says: “my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of my iniquities … nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.”
From this point, Nephi details the intimate and merciful ways in which God has visited him and granted him relief — mostly from the fears and pains of his inadequacies.
Are you appreciating the difference? While Laman and Lemuel lamented the loss of their status and property when leaving Jerusalem, Nephi lamented his shortcomings as a disciple.
In other words, Nephi understood that their journey was meant to transform him, while Laman and Lemuel seemed fixated on the outcomes they believed they deserved, including from God.
As a result of their transactional expectations, they couldn’t make sense of their trials except as injustices. Nephi, again, saw God at work in the midst of those same trials.
Asking, receiving, following
The reason Nephi and his brothers made sense of pain so differently is simple: Nephi he asked God.
But his brothers could hardly see the relevance of doing so, when asked whether they had “inquired of the Lord,” they said: “We have not; for the Lord maketh no such thing known unto us.”
Here’s one of the answers Nephi received: “wherefore inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led.”
The purpose of Nephi’s obedience was to get to the promised land, he was told. At first this might seem transactional, but here’s why it’s the opposite: there is no promise that Nephi will not experience hardship or that he will escape suffering.
Instead, he is promised that he will arrive at a destination of God’s choosing, and that God himself will lead him there.
To feel what God feels, we have to walk with him
What this means for the believer whose plans have been dashed on the rocks of reality is that God is not failing to deliver on his promises, because has not promised anything on our own desired timetable. He has promised to give us what he wants on his timetable, and if that doesn’t feel comforting, it’s because, on its own, it isn’t.
In addition to differing intellectual understandings of trials compared with his brothers, Nephi had a sincere relationship with Christ, and that’s the key. It’s one thing to know “it’ll all be for our happiness,” but it’s quite another to know God well enough that we can look forward to that day.
A sincere relationship with God is transformative in part because our spiritual proximity to him over time allows us to glimpse what gives him joy, and to want it for ourselves. As his relationship with the divine deepened, God’s plan stopped being the consolation prize and became what Nephi himself most desired.
New possibilities, new questions, new answers
If you ever find yourself asking “how could God do this?” you might consider this as an important inflection point in your faith. Like other Latter-day Saints, I believe God’s purpose is to “bring to pass the immortality and eternal life” of us all. And that is not something he bestows, but is an intimate process we undertake with Him at our side.
When we understand that God’s purpose is to change us, we start asking very different questions — and the answers could end up being the most valuable lessons we learn in this life.
Adapted from a FAIR talk on Aug. 7, 2026, “Why God is Getting in the Way of Your Happiness.”