Dear Abby: My co-workers and I have been reading your column for many years and sometimes discuss the letters over lunch. Today you printed a letter from "Bride-to-Be," who was planning her second wedding. She was worried because she wasn't a virgin and her fiance wanted her to wear white.
Abby, do you know where the rule that only virgin brides can wear white originated? We all know that rule has been relaxed in recent years.- The Lunch Bunch
Dear Lunch bunch: That's an interesting question, and one that has generated a fair amount of mail since I became Dear Abby.
A few years ago, I asked my friend the late Edith Head (an Academy Award-winning costume designer) that question. She said that the literature concerning proper attire for brides is surprisingly scant - there's actually NO "rule" that states that only virgin brides may wear white. She then informed me that in ancient Rome, brides were wrapped from head to toe in orange-colored veils, and in medieval times brides wore red. The first white wedding gown was worn by Anne of Brittany when she married Louis XII in 1499.
According to Millie Martini Bratten, editor in chief of Bride's magazine: "Red was the favored color for brides during the Middle Ages, and red is still the preferred color for Hindu, Islamic and Chinese brides. The reason: Red is considered the `color of celebration.'
"The white wedding dress is a fairly recent tradition. Victorian brides from privileged backgrounds wore white to indicate they were rich enough to wear a dress for one day only - but still the majority at that time wore only their best finery."
In further researching the modern bridal dress code, my staff discovered that in 1922, Emily Post wrote: "Brides have been known to choose colors other than white. Silver is conventional and so is deep cream. But gold cloth is more suitable for a widow than a virgin maid."
Also, Amy Vanderbilt wrote in 1922: "The formal wedding gown is generally white or ivory, but delicate blue and pink are sometimes seen."
Dear Abby: I am writing for some advice to help "Lucy," my best friend and roommate.
She would have liked to have been married and had a child long before now, but "Ronnie," her boyfriend of two years, says he is not ready for marriage or children. He says he prefers their relationship to develop "naturally" - whatever that means.
Lucy has decided to go off the pill without telling Ronnie, hoping to get pregnant so he will do the right thing and marry her. She told me that if Ronnie doesn't marry her, she will raise the child alone. Lucy claims that eight of her aunts and two cousins managed to get their boyfriends to marry them this way. I want to help her before it's too late.
- A Worried Friend
Dear Worried friend: Do Lucy a favor and discourage her from trying to trap her boyfriend in this deceitful way.
If Lucy's boyfriend married her because she is pregnant, he will resent her for having trapped him. (Also, there is the possibility that Lucy's boyfriend will not marry her.)
I doubt if your friend realizes what a heavy responsibility it is to raise a child - especially alone. In addition, a child deserves to be wanted by both parents.
Good advice for everyone - teens to seniors - is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)