Before he became a juvenile court judge, Andrew Valdez was getting kicked out of school because, as a youngster, he didn't know how to resolve conflicts peacefully.
He eventually figured it out. Then, the other night, he had a nightmare that all the young people traversing his court had children, and none knew how to resolve conflicts."I see messengers from the future coming to the court every day," Valdez said. "If we teach children conflict resolution . . . it's going to be passed on to the next generation."
Valdez's message was part of the 1996 Utah Gang Conference Thursday night. The event was put together by law enforcement and other community organizations to address Utah's growing gang problem. A nine-member Youth Task Force organized the evening to give teens a voice and teach them not to use violence in solving conflicts. Adults and teens were also taught that conflict resolution can bridge relationships.
So, what do you do if you're the type that yells back, adding fuel to the fire? Or, what if you ignore conflict by walking away?
Experts say it's time to start listening.
"We're talking about adjusting our whole presence," said Diane Hamilton, director of alternative dispute resolution programs. "Really good listening comes from a very basic choice: That's what you want to do, that's what you're there to do."
Vivia Baldwin, a professional mediator, demonstrated solution-seeking mediation at a roundtable with three teens and three other adults.
Gina, 18, asked that adults understand and try to see conflicts through the eyes of the children - even young ones.
"I just think (adults) need to talk to more kids, start them early. When they are older they're already hard-headed," the Salt Lake Community College freshman said.
Although none of the teens was in a gang, all three said violence was prevalent and created conflicts in their lives.
"Now people take every little thing as offensive," said 14-year-old Jason. "Take it the wrong way and it could be fatal."
Tiana, 14, recognizes she and a friend have never resolved an ongoing conflict they have; rather, they interrupt each other and never talk about the real problem.
Several young people offered additional tips to adults and teens interested in resolving conflicts:
- Adults should be mentors.
- Build trust.
- Be there for kids.
- Realize kids make mistakes.
- Respect each other's privacy.