If VOUS are a fan of Miss Piggy, you'll be thrilled to know that "she" has written a cookbook that's an absolute squeal.
As Muppet humor goes, Piggy takes the bacon. But along with petulant Piggy's "Va Va Voom" routine is a tres magnifique collection of recipes from the rich and famous. The book is as difficult to put down as a BLT (sorry, oh Divine Porcine.)From Piggy's own snout, we learn that the cookbook is full of "fabulous recipes from my famous celebrity friends."
When approached to write a cookbook, The Pampered Pig recalled, "moi thought . . . why not? If Oprah can do it . . . "
And indeed, this Parable of the Porker is patterned after the multimillion seller, "In the Kitchen With Rosie," (by Oprah's cook) with one massive difference. . . . forget the low-fat angle. Piggy abhors diets and adores rich things - including men.
Piggy reveals her own recipe for a perfect cookbook:
The ingredients:
8 Actors
11 Actresses
3 Recording Artists
1 Poet
2 Supermodels
1 Flautist
1 Retired 4-Star General
1 Former First Lady
1 Playwright
1 Vice Presidential Spouse
1 Food Critic
1 Gourmet Chef
1 Frog
1 Cartoonist
1 Martha Stewart
1 Ivana
10 TV Personalities
2 Professional Athletes
2 Ice Cream Moguls
1 Fashion Designer
2 Opera Singers
1 Writer
1 Cellist
1 Movie Director
Directions:
1. Have your people call their people and ask for a recipe for your book. Also find out if there is a part for you in their upcoming movie or television show.
2. Select your wardrobe for the all-important cover photo.
3. Take a long vacation while your assistants do all that book-publishing stuff.
There is one rather "sticky" inclusion among the celebrity contributions. Chef Pierre Franey's recipe for "Cuisses de Grenouilles Poulette" upset the Grand Dame of Ham big time. (Translation: Frog's Legs in Cream Sauce)
Piggy was heard saying, "Frog's legs? Frog's legs? I will not comment on this except to say, chefs legs? How about broken legs?!"
Aside from Franey's unfortunate choice of entrees, Miss Piggy picked up some beauty tips along with tasty movie-star recipes.
Elizabeth Taylor's Spicy Chicken doubles as a "tingly and tasty" facial mask.
"Simply smooth on, wait 10 minutes, rinse, and follow with a chocolate mudpack," squeals Miss P.
"Voila! Vous are ready for a night of dinner and dancing!"
The fun continues throughout the book. Miss Piggy's cheeky irreverence and off-the-wall tips are highlights in an already good read.
Breathtaking color shots of the Magnificent Miss in such poses as holding a hairdryer to defrost a TV dinner, or modeling a trendy backpack full of snacks for the long ride home.
Miss Piggy, a real ham, comments on just about everything. On leftovers: "Why put off till tomorrow what you can eat today? Put your aluminum foil to better use, like this fabulous dress by my close personal friend and designer, Reynoldo Rapp."
Celebrated military hero General Norman Schwarzkopf, retired, shared his "Sour Cream Peach Pie" recipe with the Pigstress. In the footnotes, she comments, "Moi's favorite mission with Stormy Normie was the night we raided his refrigerator. He is my favorite general - not counting General Foods and General Mills."
Miss Piggy, the world-renowned actress, truly takes the cake (any chance she can) with this riotous cookbook. "Miss Piggy focuses on the love of her life - not counting Kermit - food," says the cover information.
We're told that when she's not working, Piggy divides her time between New York, Paris and Hoboken.
Wherever she is, this Miss is always a hit.
Whoopi Goldberg, who lent the project a recipe for "Peas Porridge Hot, Peas Porridge Cold," doesn't escape the Pig's bantering . . .
"I have been a friend and fan of Whoopi's for years. How many wonderful awards she has amassed in that time. But truly the greatest honor of all is to have a line of cushions named after you . . ."
Oink.
*****
Recipes
ELIZABETH TAYLOR'S SPICY CHICKEN
"Moi is a great admirer of dearest Liz. She has everything: timeless beauty, exquisite acting ability, and an Academy Award. We're so much alike - well, two out of three ain't bad."
2 teaspoons curry powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1/2 clove garlic, crushed
1 onion, chopped
1 teaspoon peeled and grated fresh ginger
1 3 1/2-pound chicken, cut into 8 serving pieces and skinned
Combine dry ingredients with garlic, onion and fresh grated ginger. Coat chicken with mixture, cover, and refrigerate for 3 hours, preferably longer. Place on moderately hot barbecue grill for 35 to 45 minutes or broil over approximately 25 minutes or until done, turning once. Serves 4.
- Each serving contains 681 calories, 15g fat, 294mg sodium, 337mg cholesterol, 20 percent of calories from fat.
- From "In the Kitchen with Miss Piggy," by Moi
CANDICE BERGEN'S TORTELLINI SALAD
"Lovely Candice gets an Emmy for everything. She will probably get an Emmy for best recipe in a celebrity cookbook written by a superstar pig!"
1 small yellow or red bell pepper, halved and seeded
1 small green bell pepper, halved and seeded
1 small zucchini, halved lengthwise
1/2 small red onion, cut into thick rings
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest (optional)
1/4 cup olive oil or vegetable oil
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon dillweed
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
pinch of sugar
1 1/2 cups dried cheese-filled tortellini (about 6 ounces)
5 cherry tomatoes, halved
3 scallions, finely chopped
Grill or broil the bell peppers, zucchini, and onion until well browned and tender. Chop them into bite-size pieces. Set aside. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Meanwhile, place the lemon juice and zest (if using) in a large salad bowl. Whisk in the oil, mustard, dillweed, salt, pepper, and sugar to make the vinaigrette. Add the pasta to the boiling water and cook until al dente, 10 to 12 minutes, or according to the package directions. Drain the pasta and add it to the vinaigrette. Add the grilled vegetables, tomatoes, and scallions. Toss well to combine. Serve the salad warm or at room temperature. Serves 4.
- Each serving contains 436 calories, 19g fat, 909mg sodium, 15mg cholesterol, 38% of calories from fat.
- From "In the Kitchen with Miss Piggy," by Moi
PAUL NEWMAN'S TASTY THAI SHRIMP AND SESAME
NOODLES
"Paul is a very close personal friend of moi's. Most people love Paul for his steely blue eyes, winning smile, fast driving, and incredible acting ability. Moi loves him for his popcorn."
1 pound medium-size shrimp, shelled and deveined
1 8-ounce bottle Newman's Own Light Italian Dressing
2 tablespoons chunky peanut butter
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon honey
1 teaspoon peeled and grated fresh ginger
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 8-ounce package capellini or angel hair pasta
2 tablespoons salad oil
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1 medium-size carrot, peeled and shredded
1 cup chopped green onions
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
In a medium-size bowl, mix the shrimp with 1/3 cup of the dressing. Cover and refrigerate 1 hour. In a small bowl, mix with a wire whisk or fork the peanut butter, soy sauce, honey, ginger, crushed red pepper flakes, and remaining dressing; set aside. Prepare the capellini or angel hair pasta according to package directions; drain. Meanwhile, heat the salad oil and sesame oil in a 4-quart saucepan over high heat until very hot. Add the carrot and cook 1 minute. Drain off the dressing from the shrimp; discard the dressing. Add the shrimp and green onions to the carrot and cook, stirring constantly, approximately 3 minutes or until the shrimp turn opaque throughout. In a large bowl, toss the hot pasta with the dressing and shrimp mixture. Sprinkle with the cilantro. Serve immediately. Serves 4.
- Each serving contains 471 calories, 15g fat, 6317mg sodium, 0mg cholesterol, 26% of calories from fat.
- From "In the Kitchen with Miss Piggy,"by Moi
IVANA TRUMP'S BEEF GOULASH
"Fashion magnates and timeless beauties, Ivana and moi must have been separated at birth. Happily reunited, we now frequently share breakfast, lunch and jewelry. We have so very much in common, except I wouldn't think of naming a recipe after a rain boot."
2 pounds beef shank or chuck, cut into 1-inch cubes
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 to 3 teaspoons sweet Hungarian paprika
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 medium-size yellow onions, minced
1 garlic clove, crushed
Water to cover (about 2 cups)
Pinch of dried marjoram
Salt to taste
1 small green bell pepper, stemmed, seeded, and minced
1 medium-size tomato, peeled, stemmed, seeded, and minced
1 pound egg noodles
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Lightly dust the beef with the flour and paprika. Set a 3-or 4-quart Dutch oven or flameproof casserole over high heat and melt half of the butter with the oil. Add the beef and saute until browned, stirring constantly. Reduce the heat to moderately high and add the onions and garlic. Cook until the onions are translucent, 3 to 5 minutes. Add water to cover (about 2 cups) and the marjoram and salt to taste. Place the casserole in the oven and cook, uncovered, until the beef is very tender, 1 to 11/2 hours, stirring frequently. Add more water if needed to prevent scorching. Thirty minutes before the goulash is done, add the green pepper and tomato. Just before serving, cook the egg noodles in a large pot of boiling, salted water, according to package directions. Drain and toss with the remaining 2 tablespoons butter. Season the stew to taste with additional salt. Serve at once with the hot, buttered noodles. Serves 6.
- Each serving contains 749 calories, 26g fat, 120mg sodium, 174mg cholesterol, 31% of calories from fat.
- From "In the Kitchen With Miss Piggy" by Moi
BEN AND JERRY'S SUPERFUDGE BROWNIES
"Dearest Ben and Jerry are the nicest combination to come along since cookies and cream. Your ice creams are sinfully delicious! By the way, boys, as long as you're reading this, I don't care what the label says, there are not four servings in those teensy pints."
4 ounces unsweetened chocolate
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and lightly flour a 9 X 13-inch baking pan. Melt the chocolate and butter in the top of a double boiler over simmering water. Let cool in the pan to room temperature. (If you're in a hurry, you can quickly cool it in the refrigerator, but be sure it doesn't become solid again.) Beat the eggs and salt in a mixing bowl until very fluffy. Gradually beat in the sugar and vanilla. Gently fold in the cooled chocolate mixture. Add the flour and fold in just until blended. (It is important to fold in the chocolate and flour gently to keep the batter as fluffy as possible.) Pour the batter into the prepared baking pan and smooth the top. Bake 25 to 30 minutes. Let cool completely in the pan before cutting. Makes 9 brownies, each about 3 X 4-inches.
- Each brownie contains 384 calories, 17g fat, 248mg sodium, 28mg cholesterol, 38% of calories from fat.
- From "In the Kitchen with Miss Piggy," by Moi