Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be another of those repetitive lists of the Millenium's Best Whatevers, or the Century's Top Yada-Yadas, along comes a list that's nothing like that.
In fact, the list you are about to read is the exact opposite.Sure, at first I considered making a compilation of my own. I even went so far as to solicit nominations from sports fans throughout the state thinking about the best college athletes in Utah history.
That's when I said to myself: 'Self, no one wants to read another of those lame best-of lists. Don't go there, do something different.'
So, without further ado -- and with apologies to those who sent me their favorite athletes -- here is the most regrettable, the best forgotten, and the worst of Utah college sports.
10 -- 1996-97 BYU Basketball team goes 1-25.
What a bizarre, twisted year it was in Provo. The Cougars -- perennial 20-game winners and a major thorn in the side of Rick Majerus -- stink up the Marriott Center worse than the last Kenny Loggins concert.
Roger Reid flunks out of remedial public relations school when he states Duke-bound prep star Chris Burgess let down 9 million Mormons by not choosing Brigham Young. Rondo Fehlberg -- no PR whiz himself -- cans Reid a few days before Christmas and interim coach Tony Ingle finished the year without a win to his name.
9 -- Dec. 10, 1996. BYU 64, USU 61.
While the BYU basketball team was plenty bad that year, it just wouldn't be fair to include the Cougs among the worst ever without throwing in the team that LOST to them.
Utah State was actually a pretty good team that year, going 20-9 and winning its side of the Big West Conference. But being the only win on BYU's disaster of a season is almost unforgivable. I remember sitting courtside during that game and Roddie Anderson -- the talented point guard from the year before -- was just shaking his head wondering what had happened to the team he once played for.
No matter how bad it got for BYU that year, they could still make the Aggies hide in shame.
8 -- Sept. 21, 1968. New Mexico Highlands 85, Southern Utah 0.
The Thunderbirds weren't exactly a football powerhouse back in the 60s. But losing to a school often confused for a high school is not acceptable. Losing by 85 points is even less so.
I took a chance and tried to find a recap of this game in the handy-dandy Deseret News microfilm archives. No luck. I saw a mention that the game would be played but no write up. Only a score.
Perhaps it's good that not much was written or said about the game, and it's certainly good that a similar score hasn't happened lately for the T-Birds.
7 -- Oct. 2, 1943. Ft. Warren 60, Utah 0.
Ike Armstrong's team wasn't exactly at its best during this season. The Utes were winless in seven games and outscored 38-297 while being shut out five times.
Here's how the Deseret News reported the game; "Folks always knew that General Sherman was pretty well right on his views about war, but 8,000 football customers hardly expected such convincing proof as Fort Warren's 60-0 assault of a disorganized unit of inexperienced Utes on Saturday."
Ft. Warren out-gained the Utes 442-68 in total yardage that day and one headline called the lineup the "Kids vs. Pros." In fairness, though, the Second World War decimated football seasons across the state.
6 -- 1932. Denver Piggly Wiggly 41, BYU 20.
While the season as a whole might not have been as big a disaster as that of 1996-97; how do you lose to a grocery store?
Again, I searched for a write up of this game and was unable to find one. It might be in the archives somewhere, but it's doubtful it got a lot of prominence and certainly doesn't deserve any more space than these two paragraphs.
5 -- Sept. 19, 1998. Weber State 6, Idaho State 3.
If that were a baseball score, it's great. But it was football.
Dave Arslanian had just moved to his temporary home in Logan, and Jerry Graybeal took his troops to Pocatello for this important Big Sky game.
Sadly, neither team brought their offense along for the game. A pair of Scott Shields field goals -- he was a defensive player and kicked on the side -- were all that the Wildcats needed to win.
4 -- Nov. 24, 1927. Utah State 0, Utah 0.
Speaking of no offense...
The Deseret News ran this headline for the Turkey Day football game: "Aggies register 'moral victory' in holding Utah to scoreless tie."
Here was the first paragraph: "An inspired Utah Aggie football team, displaying a versatile attack embodying all the fine features of the modern game as well as straight football, upset the mighty 'U' Redskins in the beautiful new Utah Stadium on thanksgiving Day by holding the 1926 champions to a 0 to 0 score."
This was back in the day when Utah was the hometown team and the Deseret News was the hometown cheerleader. Another headline for the game read: "Fighting Farmers hold Utes on four-yard line." Oh, what a thrill it would have been to see that one.
And not that this is sports related, but one story from the Society Page read; "UAC coed entertained in city." And who said Aggies aren't backwoods hicks?
3 -- Nov. 17, 1928. BYU 0, Utah 0.
Not to be stingy when sharing thrilling football games with the local schools, the mighty U invited Brigham Young to town the following year for another tantalizing day of war.
This time around, the Deseret News used this headline to describe the game; "BYU football ascends new heights, ties with Redskins is moral triumph."
I don't know about you, but any football game that ends scoreless is not a victory for either squad, especially with a story that reads "There's no particular reason why the battle shouldn't have turned out the way it did, unless it was because Crimson supporters would have given anything within reason for a triumph. But then, a lot of Cougar partisans possessed a great deal of the same feeling."
Hmmm, not much has changed in 70 years.
2 -- Dec. 27, 1999. Marshall 21, BYU 3.
Judging from the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth going on among Cougar fans, the world is indeed coming to an end and this is the worst possible thing that could have happened.
To a degree, they're right.
Let's see; BYU's offense was inept, the quarterback has a meltdown on national TV, a team from the Mid-America Conference destroys the Cougs and the Utes can rightfully claim the distinction of being the best football team in the state.
Definitely a date most Cougars wish could be removed from whatever corner of the brain it resides.
1 -- 1906. Deaf & Blind 22, Utah State 19.
Perhaps it's a good thing the Deseret News didn't have much of a sports section back in those days. There wasn't much written about this game (at least I couldn't find anything) and the Ags were probably happy about a lack of press for the first time ever.
The year before, the Fighting Farmers roughed up the Deaf & Dumb school 24-8. In 1905, however, the Deaf brought along the Blind and took the Aggies out to the woodshed as a payback.
Imagine going home to your roommates, wife or mother and having them ask how the game went. "Uh, we lost to the Deaf & Blind." While that might be no big deal in a game of chess or even a sprint, something tells me there is a built-in advantage to making baskets when you can actually see the basket.
Jared Eborn can be reached by e-mail at jeborn@desnews.com.
This bi-weekly column appears exclusively on deseretnews.com.